Because you wanted to know...

2008-10-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still here...

I know it might seem that way, but I haven't fallen off the face of the earth!

I moved to Chicago...started a new job, and am trying to get all my stuff set up in my new environment. I'm hoping to start blogging soon. Life seems to be a bit more exciting these days so stay tuned. There might be some good stories coming your way!

2008-05-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

Dinner with a Pastor

I had dinner with our soon to be new pastor and his wife the other day.

It was good. Dinner and the converstation. Perhaps we will enjoy working together too!

2008-05-15T18:36:00.000-07:00

To be slandered...

The new pastor of our congregation came to visit the church last weekend and tonight I heard through the grapevine that someone went up to him and told him that I was trouble and that someone should do something about me. He had to ask someone if there was a problem with me and my position at the church.

I'm upset that someone lied about me. I'm upset that someone tried to ruin my reputation with him. I'm upset that he even had to think for a second about having problems working with me.

I know I'm a bit of a handful. I know I have opinions about how things should happen sometimes...but I'm also willing to acknowledge my faults and the places where I've messed up. The combination of these things usually make me fairly easy to get along with but for some reason there is someone in my congregation who seems determined to spread false reports about me to my new colleague.

Luckily there was someone at my church who stuck for me and told the new pastor that I am a hard worker and am doing my best as a DCO. I'm grateful that someone spoke up on my behalf. It's nice to have people on your side.

end rant---

2008-05-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

Update...

I haven't really posted much in the last month and for that I apologize. I figured I'd give you just a small update. I recently received a call to a church right outside of Chicago. The call process always stresses me out a bit...mostly because it means I have to make a decision and it sort of makes me feel like I'm going to disappoint someone, and that's always hard for me. I visited the church and knew that it wasn't the next place I would be serving God. The people were nice, and the idea of being in Chicago was great...but it just wasn't right. So I declined the call and am still in Kimberling City. There's a lot of excitement here right now...we've just recently met the man who is going to be our next pastor after the current one retires. So a time of transition is coming, which I know means patience will be required. If you know me, you know this won't be easy...but it will be exciting.

Also...since our trip to Haiti has officially been postponed to November, Linds and I have decided we couldn't wait that long and are taking a vacation to Haiti in June. We're trying to decide where we're going to serve while we're there and looking for some opportunities to open up. I'm so excited to be going back to Haiti...I really do miss it when I'm gone. I've been taking Creole lessons and have the vocabulary of a 5 year old! I'm not great, but at least I have some of the tools to communicate while I'm there. Someday I'll be fluent...I won't give up.

Last night I did something I haven't done in a while. I got home late from youth group. After youth group ended I spent the next hour and half driving kids home. I only put 70 miles on my car this wednesday...so it's not too bad considering some weeks I drive 120 miles to pick up kids and bring them home...but I want them here so you do what you have to do to get them here. Anyway...I digress. Last night I got home and ran. not far, and not long but I ran. When I was done I turned on the TV. I hardly ever watch TV anymore...I wonder why I even pay for cable. But I watched a movie that was on. This movie started at 10pm. I had read the book that the movie was adapted from and I had seen the movie but for some reason I couldn't remember what happened so I stayed up and watched the whole thing...it didn't end until 1...meaning that I watched 3 straight hours of TV...unreal.

that's about all for now folks...I'll try to be better about posting, and I'll try to be better about finding things that are interesting to write about.

2008-05-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

Holy Cow...

2008-04-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

A Little Manic...

I realize that last night when I wrote my blog I was incredibly tired and possibly a little on the manic side. I thought about removing it and then decided not to. It was legitimately where my emotions were when I wrote, so I decided to leave it.

After sleeping and taking some time to think through the current situation in a country that I love so much, I feel like I can write a little more coherently. The past week has brought about a million ups and downs on the world stage. I have paid attention to none of them as much as I have to the riots in Haiti. For those of you who are unaware of what's been going on the past week, take a minute to read the news on Haiti. (you can find it by going to google and typing in Haiti) Riots have broken out around the country in response the rising food costs. Over the past 6 months to a year the cost of food has risen at least 40% and some reports are saying that it's been closer to 50%. This becomes difficult when 80% of the population lives on less than $2 a day and 50% of the population lives in abject poverty meaning that they make less than $1 a day. Considering that food prices in Haiti are now comparable to food prices in America (and in some cases even more expensive) it becomes easier to see why so many people are struggling to make ends meet and can't find ways to feed themselves and their families.

When it became a possibility and then a reality that we would not be going to Haiti this week because of the civil unrest, I was sad. I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my American friends I was supposed to be travelling with. I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my Haitian friends that three months ago I hadn't said goodbye to when I left their country because I knew I would be coming back. I was sad because people were suffering. I was sad that I wouldn't see Judie, the girl I sponsor with Compassion International. Then I became angry. I can eat (and arguably probably do it too much). I can go to target and spend 50 dollars and not really even flinch. (althought I can't do it that often) I can fill up my tank at a gas pump even though it now costs me $3.26 to do so. Rising prices have affected my life...but they haven't really changed the way I live. I'm angry at myself for not doing more to help people who are suffering. I'm angry that I don't have more information about what's going on in Haiti. I'm frustrated that I can't think of a great way to help. I'm angry that I have no control. I want to fix it.

I still have no answers. All i know is that there are great organizations that are making a difference. Organizations like Compassion International (www.compassion.com) and the Haiti Mission Project (www.haitimissionproject.org). I'm so proud of the people that I was supposed to be going on this trip with. Their outlook and dedication to helping suffering people humbles me and helps me to love the world around me better.

I apologize for the somewhat crazy tone in my last blog, but I really do mean it. I urge you to consider your life. I'm not saying that you should save the world. I'm not saying that you should give up the way of life that you have. I just ask you to consider how you can help the people around you that are suffering, whether they are in Haiti or elsewhere. I truly believe that we live in community with one another, and it is a global community. The way we choose to live impacts the lives of others. It's a pretty amazing thought.

Today I'm praying for Haiti.

2008-04-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

We Have to do something....

If you've been following the news you may know that people in Haiti are rioting over the quick and high rise in food prices. Many people are unable to afford food.

People are literally starving.

We have to do something.

I wish I had a plan...a great plan to ask you all to join me in. At this point I don't. I was supposed to travel to Haiti tomorrow but because of the unrest we are unable to go.

If you want to know more, go to google and type in haiti...check the news links. There are tons of articles. If you want to help, here are some options that I know of right now. I'll let you know when I come up with more.

www.compassion.com
You can sponsor a child in haiti (there's a link on the side of my blog)

www.haitimissionproject.org
You can check on the website and see how to donate. This is the organization that I am most affiliated with. We'll make sure the money goes to help feed people if that's what you want to do with it.

www.kiva.org
You can help with microfinancing...not in haiti, but in other countries, and possibly keep them from being in the same situation.

There are more...I'll let you know. Please stand with me. Today I had three meals...and a snack. I am well fed as I get ready for bed...odds are you might be too. Tonight there are people who feel as if their stomach is being eaten by battery acid (that's how some haitians explain the feeling) and it's because they cannot afford the food. Please help if you can.

2008-03-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

I wish...

I understood life...the older I get, the more I realize, I have a lot to learn!

2008-02-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

I learned a lot in the past week...

Here are just a few things I've learned in the last week:

1. I hate taxes.
2. I'm still a sucker for romantic comedies.
3. If I practice enough I can play someone else's flute almost as well as my own.
4. I might actually learn to speak Creole someday
5. If given a night off, I still don't do the dishes, so I can no longer blame the dirty dishes on my busy schedule.
6. Eyesight really does get worse as we get older
7. When you don't run for 4 months, the first time back on the treadmill is not enjoyable.
8. A Starbucks gift card puts a HUGE smile on my face
9. Going weeks without talking to friends is not acceptable
10.The tax "break" I'm supposed to get is actually a tax "break my bank" (see #1)

2008-02-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

Tolerance and Compassion...

I read an article this morning.

I read a similar one the other day. It's a story of how poor hungry people in Haiti are eating dirt because they cannot afford to eat real food. You can read the article here

On my various trips to Haiti I have never seen this first hand, but I have heard of the rising food costs and I have seen how those costs have affected the many people in that little part of the world. What my heart is responding to this morning though is not the pictures of little kids eating little piles of dirt mixed with shortening and salt for breakast. (although it does break my heart.) What compelled me to write this morning were the comments listed under this. I love that we live in a land where we can say what we want...freedom of speech is a beautiful thing...but I was ashamed of my fellow countrymen. What echoed through many of the comments was an utter lack of compassion for a people who could use a little good old fashion love.

I feel like the world sees us like the spoiled child who is given whatever they want whenever they want it. A child that goes through life with a total disregard for the people around them. Perhaps that is what we are...I believe though that we have something to offer, more to offer than the image we sometimes portray to the rest of the world...if only we would open our eyes.

In this country tolerance is preached. In America we fight for the right to pray in school. We fight for the right to end abortion. We fight for the right to choose abortion. We fight for the right to get a better tax break. We fight for same sex unions, fuel efficiency, green living, and so much more. (Bob barker just gave 1 million dollars to a college in Springfield so they can start an Aminal Rights program...can you imagine how many PEOPLE could be helped with those resources...not that I'm a huge advocate of just handing out money. I know bunnies and penguins are important to the circle of life and all, but what about PEOPLE) In America we fight for our rights, and yet we often neglect the fight when it comes to the poor and underprivileged. The number of people who will die today because they cannot afford to eat is staggering. Do we really care? What about compassion, why aren't we teaching kids compassion in the 2nd grade. How do we help them to love their neighbor. Is it something that can be taught? Of course, I'm a Christian, so loving your neighbor becomes a pretty big thing. And it's true that the goal of my life is to share the Gospel so that others will be become Christian...but I think a little compassion could be spread across the board to believers and non-believers alike. I don't know if we can teach compassion...but I'm pretty sure we can show people what it looks like.

Maybe if we all just tried a little bit of "compassion" on...we might just see that it fits.

2008-02-07T04:47:00.000-08:00

Jr. High Girls: Keeping it real...

Yesterday I was meeting with a group of girls at the Junior High. Most of these girls have been meeting with me for two years...we're comfortable with each other.

One girl is in the middle of pouring out her heart to the whole table and another girl raises her hand. Thinking that she had something great to add to the conversation, I call on her.

and she says,

"Apparently the medicine I'm on gives me gas. I'm sorry if you hear something. It shouldn't smell though."

great.

2008-02-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Confession: I am a hypocrite...

Lately I have been so frustrated with church culture. I've been following the presidential primaries and cringe almost every time I hear the media refer to the "evangelical christian conservatives." I think I'm an Evangelical Christian, in the sense that I follow Jesus and seek to spread His message of salvation, and morally conservative, but the idea of being put into that category sometimes rubs me the wrong way.

Then as I drive down the street I see huge church buildings where people pile into the parking lot and pews each Sunday to drink designer coffee and listen to a sermon that entertains them a bit and sing songs to music lead by people playing expensive instruments, only to leave the building and not notice the people in the world around them...the people that God has called them to love.

Babies are dying all around the world, entire cultures are being wiped out by fighting and disease. This is happening while we sit in committee meetings and decide how much money we should spend on the new carpet, and complain about how people don't give enough money to church.

I get frustrated...

Then I step back and realize that on most days I am just the same...the person I'm really frustrated with is myself. I am the person who walks into my middle class/white american congregation, sit through worship and walk my way through the rest of my week trying to meet deadlines, stick to schedule, and not go crazy. Most times the weeks slip by without me having any regard for my neighbor. Not only am I a sinner who forgets what God has called her to, but I'm a hypocrite...

I guess that's why I'm thankful for the season of Lent. I am reminded of my sin daily and during this time I reflect on that sinfulness and I look forward to Christ's death and resurrection. I remember that Jesus came because of my sin and hypocrisy and his blood washes over me and makes me whole...I remember that God has claimed me as his child...He takes my sin and hypocrisy and changes them into something beautiful and lovely. I am new.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, as I journey through Lent, I'm going to try to judge less, and follow Christ more.

2008-01-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

A Picture to Share...

On my recent trip to Hait I got to meet the child I sponsor with Compassion International! Meet Judie....

She's absolutely adorable and it was great to spend the day with her. I think you can tell from the pictures that she and I both have an element of "sassiness" that we're working with! I love this kid!!! I don't have many pictures to share because I was the crazy person who left all her memory cards back in St. Louis, so I'm waiting on copies of Joanna's pictures, but she sent me this one in an email!

For a little over two years I have been sponsoring Judie through Compassion International. We've written letters back and forth but up until a couple weeks ago we had never met. She lives in Haiti and has recently moved to a place that is a lot closer to where I am when I travel there, so it was possible for me to meet her this year.

In case you didn't know Compassion International "exists as a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults." They are serving over 900,000 people in 24 different countries. They really do a great job caring for the whole person. I love being a part of this organization.

You can read more about the organization at www.compassion.com. Their words are better than mine!

Like I said in my last blog, I'm trying to live my life knowing that the choices I make, not only affect me, but many other people. Compassion is just one of the ways that I choose to give back, and I wanted to share a picture from my trip with you...hope you enjoy!

If you're interested in giving 32 dollars a month to sponsor a child you can click on the link below, or you can click on the link in the side margin of my blog...or just email me, and I'll help get you set up!

Click Here to Sponsor a Child!

2008-01-26T06:42:00.001-08:00

Changing the World...

I've always known that I wanted to change the world. When I was growing up, it took the form of feeling like I wanted to be written about in History books. I thought I would go to some great college and get a high powered job that would give me access to the world, and the opportunity to change it for good.

In my bedroom at my parents home there is a charicature of me on the wall. It was done the night that I graduated from high school. I sat down and the man asked me what I was going to do with my life after high school. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I was going to save the world. The picture is a loose adaptation of me in a superhero costume flying with the world in my hand.

It's been almost 9 years since that night. I went to college, got a pretty good education, and set out on life. I've been working in churches for 6 years, sometimes seeing results, and sometimes seeing little return for my effort...sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm making a difference at all.

I recently returned from another trip from Haiti. I took a week of vacation to go and hang out there and spend more time trying to experience the culture. It was truly amazing. I'm a highly relational person, so to spend time with people and let them know I love them is a pretty huge deal for me. I met the child I sponsor with Compassion International...we hung out at her house, saw her compassion project and went out for lunch. It was a great day. But there were other parts of the trip that were hard to process. Yes, things seem to be getting better there...but there are still many children who are dying from preventable causes. Women are still having more children than they can care for. Orphanages are operating at capacity, wondering where they'll get the money to pay for food for the next month. Children are being thrown in the garbage. And I wonder if what we're doing is enough....if what I'M doing is enough. Does it make a difference?

One of the many blessings of the trip was meeting my new friend Miquette. Miquette grew up in one of the really poor vilages of Haiti. Two of her siblings died from malnutrition, and two of her siblings and a niece were given to an orphanage and later adopted by a family in the USA and another in Canada. The family that adopted Miquette's sister and niece were living in America and years later got back in touch with Miquette's family. When the father met Miquette, he asked her if she wanted to come have a year of high school in America. Of course she accepted and came to America knowing no English and began living in a culture very foreign from her own. 6 years later she graduated with a 4 year nursing degree from an American college. She is now back in Haiti working to build a hospital in a town that has none, and has her own non-profit that is sending many children to school each year!

As she told this story I sat across from her with my jaw dropped...This was truly the type of story you would read in a book, and I was sitting across the table from her, the woman who had lived it. Amazing. She reminded me of this story...

Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he came up to the person he said, "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said, "It made a difference to that one!"

So as I go about life...I still feel the desire to make a difference in this world. I don't want to be a person who goes about selfishly living her life, when I have more than enough to survive. I want to make a difference...but I'm beginning to see that you make a difference one person at a time...one church member, one youth, one family living in poverty, one child...one at a time. I have taken responsibility and realize that the way I live, impacts the lives of others. Today I choose to make a difference...the question is, will you join me? Perhaps you already have!

2007-12-24T22:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve...

It's one of my favorite evenings. I'd be lying to you if I said that I hadn't thought that this particular Christmas Eve was going to turn out to be a bit lonely. I've spent holidays without family in the past...but for some reason I was being a bit of a baby about it this year.

As it turns out though, I came to St. Louis early, relaxed at the old homestead, and went to church with Cheryl, bff from highschool! Not only was it great to go to a candlelight service, but it was great to see so many families that I have known and loved since high school. I do love those Atonement folks.

All in all, it's been a pretty great Christmas Eve...Tomorrow my parents come home...I can't wait for them to open their presents : )

Happy Christmas Everyone!

2007-12-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

When there's no place to go...

When there's no place to go, there's no need to rush. This might not seem like rocket science to most of you, but it's not an easy thing for me to grasp. I spend so much of my life running from place to place that when I no longer have a place to run, I don't know what to do with myself.

It's Christmas Eve eve....My family is at my brothers and it seems that I will be alone on Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day. No family dinners to get to, no gatherings to arrive at on time, no Christmas programs to be a part of...no need to rush. I guess this is what happens when you get older and live further away from your family (and work at a church).

I've had such a difficult time getting into the Christmas Spirit this year and am way behind on Christmasy stuff...like the pile of presents still sitting in my front room and the stack of Christmas cards yet to be mailed.

More than anything I'd like to walk into a sanctuary this Christmas and truly worship. Since my family is not around, it seems that I get to decide where to make that happen. Now all I have to do is decide when and where to travel!

2007-11-09T06:14:00.000-08:00

Today my heart broke...

I've been in a bit of a news bubble the past week or so. I was at the National Youth Workers Convention (which made me think...alot.) and then I got back and the past three days have been a bit busy.

This morning I finally read the news...and my heart broke. I knew there was a topical storm going on down near Haiti. I knew Haiti was in the midst of it, but I didn't know how bad it was. People say flooding and that doesn't mean much to me. I've never really seen real flooding. I saw it on the news when the big rivers in St. Louis flooded years ago, and I saw things on the news when Katrina hit New Orleans, but this morning on CNN.com I watched mothers in Haiti, smaller than me, put their 10-12 year old daughters on their shoulders to carry them over a rushing river so that they could get to school without damaging their uniforms. For some reason that broke my heart. What action will follow...I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I can do to help the people that I love so much. But when I come up with something, I'll let you know.

2007-10-30T18:21:00.001-07:00

Red, Red Wine...

Tonight I am living the glamorous life. It's 8:15pm and I am home, which is quite an accomplishment in and of itself! I have enjoyed part of a frozen pizza, I have started my laundry, and I am drinking a glass of red wine. It's so great to be at my house and relax. This is something I don't do nearly enough.

Tomorrow I leave for St. Louis and the Youth Specialties conference. I cannot wait!

2007-10-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight...

Tonight I discovered, on my last night of my 26th year of life, why I am still single. It's simple really. It's because CLEARLY the only man for me is Jude Law...and we have not yet met.

I'm sure when it finally happens it will all make sense, and we'll think, "why hasn't this happened sooner."

Anyway...I just thought you, my blogging world, ought to know!

: )

Next time I talk to you...I'll be 27!

2007-10-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Speaking the truth....

I'm not sure I spoke the truth in love tonight...it might have been more motivated from frustration or anger. Nevertheless...it was the truth. It was not easy to say. And it's not easy knowing that I've hurt someone's feelings. But I do think it was something that needed to be expressed, and deep down...I really do believe it was the right thing to do, even if it does make me feel a little uneasy.

Speaking the truth to someone=not my favorite thing.

2007-09-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am not the average American woman...

Today on the morning news there was a report on shopping. I tuned in because I am a fan of that passtime.

Apparently the Average American Woman owns 19 pairs of shoes, but only wears 4 regularly.

I probably wear 19 pairs of shoes regularly, and I'm not even going to guess at how many pairs I own.

I always knew I was above average!

2007-09-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

Cocktails for one...

Today I had my first cavity filled in my tooth...ever. I went to the dentist...not that scared. When I got in the chair I felt the need to tell the dentist that I had never really gone through this experience before...to that she says, "oh...do you want the gas?"

I had no idea what the gas was and the tech said I wanted it, so I said ok. They strapped the hose on my nose and the dentist says, "Just breathe through your nose, it'll be just like an afternoon cocktail." I figured anyone talking cocktails at 3pm in the afternoon was destined to be my friend.

Sure enough, that stuff was great. Not quite as great as a Bombay Sapphire Martini, but not at all bad. And getting my cavity filled was actually not a bad experience at all...

Three cheers for my dentist and the happy gas...but as my dear friend Laura has reminded me, you have to watch out for the gas because as we've learned from Little Shop of Horrors, if you have too much of the gas, you'll end up getting eaten by a giant plant. no thanks. (and by no thanks, I mean no thanks to the getting eaten by the plant thing...gross!)

2007-09-04T20:14:00.001-07:00

Ugh...

It's 10:12pm and I'm sweating. Gross.

I refuse to turn on the air though because overnight the temperature is supposed to get down to the mid sixties and I'm protesting my high electric bills.

2007-08-30T20:22:00.001-07:00

MMMMMMM Pictures....

Tonight I got to endure one of the more unfortunate parts of singledom. The Church Pictoral Directory. The time has come for our congregation to make a new photo directory...It's no secret that I love the camera, and I was actually looking forward to getting my picture taken. I was scheduled for the last time slot of the day, 8pm. I carefully straightened my hair...afterall, this picture was not just about me, but about the historical files of the church that I work for...40 years from now I don't want someone looking through the archives and thinking how unkempt their DCO was!

I walked in with my black dress and leopard print heels, feeling quite confident...The photographer told me no one would see my shoes...I asked if I could take them off and hold them so they'd make it in the shot...it was the best part about my outfit! For my craziness she allowed me a few extra poses (none of which showed my shoes...boo) The details of the photo shoot can only truly be appreciated by hearing me retell it verbally...but what was most amazing and, if I'm completely honest, humiliating was the portion after the photo shoot. They bring you in a room with a big set up of pictures, and a computer to view your proofs. She started flipping through my shots and there were a couple really adorable pictures of myself...naturally none of those were photos that you could use as the picture in the directory, for those I had to choose between the boring shots with the grey background. (double boo)

Then the sales pitch came...of course there are all sorts of packages I could choose from. I knew I wasn't going to buy anything but I didn't have the heart to stop her. Then she pulled up a layout where I could have three photos in one frame. Usually these are the frames where the first picture is of the parents, the last picture is of the children, and the middle picture is a lovely photo of the whole family. Since it was just me in the photos, she flipped through them all and showed me what it would look like if I bought the frame housing three different poses of me. It's true that there are few people who enjoy surrounding themselves with self portraits as much as I do...but to see a big frame with room for lots of people, that only had lots of Rachel in it was just a little bizarre.

I told my mom about it when I was leaving the church...I was pretty amused. Her words were this..."I can't believe you didn't get it...you've shown amazing restraint." I think I'll save my 42.95 and take my own self portraits with my camera...cheaper and more fun!

2007-08-30T06:29:00.001-07:00

Only because I really want to out-do Ingrid...

Is out-do hyphenated? I don't know.

I'm not sure that I have anything altogether blog worthy to write about, but since my dear friend Ingrid commented on my renewed zeal for blogging, I thought I would toss out another entry.

Yesterday I had my teeth cleaned. (See I told you it wasn't interesting) It's been two years. I admit that I have neglected my dental health, not because I'm afraid of the dentist, or I don't like going. Quite the contrary! I love the Dentist. I love the feeling of freshly polished teeth, minus the gritty mint stuff that always leaves my mouth feeling like I've spent a day at the beach. Yesterday I was told that I have my first real cavity. I have to get a filling. I'm not sure that it's such a big deal, but I have two weeks to talk myself into being afraid of the drill! I hadn't gone to the Dentist in two years because I find it extremely tedious and annoying to find new doctors. Several people suggested this particular office and after being there I can see why. The perfectly worn leather couches in the waiting area were nice. I wanted to grab a cup of coffee and sit there and read all day...I probably would have if I could have thought of a way to escape the lectures from the hygienist about how drinking coffee stains your teeth. The music was completely relaxing, and to top things off, my patient room had floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the non-developed side of Branson (which really is quite beautiful) and I got to watch wild turkeys roam. All in all, it was pretty relaxing! And it made me excited for Thanksgiving! : )

In other news...I'm reading a new book, thanks to Lindsey's suggestion. It's called Chasing Daylight, and so far I am captivated....I'll let you know how it turns out.

Now I'm off to stain my newly polished teeth with a big cup o joe. YAY!

2007-08-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

The New Neighbors...

They smoke...they also talk very loudly. That means that when they're out on the front porch smoking and talking I can hear every word of their conversation. I've never been much on eavesdropping, but it's hard to not pay attention when they're yelling at each other and every word seems like it's coming from across my living room.

Tonight they're fighting about finances.

I think I'll invite them over for dinner. Not tonight...it's already 9pm...but maybe another night. Tonight I'll just have to listen to my dog bark at the huge amount of noise coming from the other side of the porch.

2007-08-23T08:17:00.001-07:00

I know you want to be me but...

Well it's official. I know that my life is completely glamorous and coveted by others because I have now been the victim of identity theft. That's right folks someone tried to purchase some questionable online material and cable programming with my check card. The jokes on them though...I feel like saying, "Ha Ha sucker...you should have to stolen the identity of someone that has money!"

My checking account (which they tried to use) is driving on the fumes of my last month's paycheck, and luckily there was not enough in the checking account for the perpertrator to actually use my card on the big purchases they were trying to make. So I guess it does pay to be poor!

Take that you identity stealing criminal!!!!

2007-08-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

Back by Popular Demand...

So I realize that I haven't blogged in...well, forever. I sincerely apologize to my blog fans, blog stalkers, and those of you out there living your life vicariously through me! I realize that it was very irresponsible of me to leave you hanging for oh so long.

The reason for my absence...chaos. My life has been complete chaos this summer. I realize that there is a contingent in this world that thinks that I do nothing for a living (not that I accuse any of you of having those thoughts) but the truth of the matter is that I actually do work quite hard, and a lot. Some of your know of my workoholic tendencies and try valiantly to help me dispell my need to have everyone at my work place approve of me...but even their efforts proved too little for my crazy schedule that I made for this summer! Work took over!

The past two months have been a whirlwind of meetings, youth trips, mission trips, church events, and the everyday things that go along with my job. Throw in my brothers graduation from seminary and ordination and that made for a packed calender! My parents actually kept my dog for an entire month because I would only be home for 9 of the 31 days! (thanks mom and dad!)

Do I have interesting stories from the past two months...you bet I do! Some I'll get around to tell here, and some I'd rather not relate to the entire blogging world, so you'll just have to call me if you want those details! Speaking of calling me. I've had cell phone issues. Some of you know that my cell phone was stolen, and then I got to use someone's old cell phone until I was able to upgrade the one that I no longer had because of the thugs in Branson...now I have another cell phone...I paid a decent amount of money for it, however, I seem to have paid for a piece of junk. In the mess of cell phone change after cell phone change this summer, I have managed to lose just about all of your numbers...so call me, we'll catch up!

My roommate moves out today and I really should head back to the house to help her pack her car, so I'm going to jet in a second, but I want you to know that stories will be available to read soon...so check back!

Also yesterday happened to be Lindsey's birthday. I didn't get to birthday blog for her...so I wanted to leave you all with a word about my dear friend. So here goes...26 adjectives that describe my dear friend, in honor of her birthday and in thankfulness that God graced the world with her presence and shows his goodness through her! Lindsey...you are:

BEAUTIFUL
fun
Smart
QUIRKY
stylish
kind
Entertaining
merciful
effervescent
NERDY (but in a good way!)
charming
Quick-witted
HILARIOUS
adorable
humane
Talented
clever
faithful
caring
FRIENDLY
loving
jovial
Patient
loyal
Humble
CHILD OF GOD

You are my friend...Lindsey I LOVE YOU! : )

2007-06-07T08:56:00.001-07:00

Today I....

wrote a blog. I deleted it.

Instead I will share this:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteaous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." ~5:43-48

2007-05-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

Training...

So today I ran longer (without stopping to walk) than I ever have. It was 1.7 miles. This might not seem like a huge accomplishment to some of you, but for me it was huge. I couldn't believe that I could do it...about a week ago I decided that I would try to make the "longer" sections of my running workouts, longer. Today I really felt a sense of victory on the treadmill, like I had definitely done something that I wasn't sure I would be able to do. It gives me hope that I might someday actually be a runner...don't get me wrong, I'm still a long ways off, but at least I'm on my way.

In other news, I leave for vacation in a week...I cannot wait.

2007-05-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

Anger

It's an emotion that I do not channel well. It is one that I wish I never, ever had.

2007-04-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

NPR Today...

As I was driving around town early this morning I was given the opportunity to listen to my beloved NPR. I've been a bit out of the news lately so I'm not as up to date on the world happenings as I usually like to be...but I'll make no excuses for my ignorance.

At any rate as I was stuck in Branson West traffic (which will be my fate for the next year at least, while they are doing road construction) I was able to hear quite a few stories on Morning Edition. The topics haven't changed that much...who's going to be the Democratic nominee, Reconstruction in Iraq, people complaining about the president...people defending the president...

What I was most surprised at was listening to some guy (whose name I can't even remember right now) give an interview...the interviewee was prepared with an answer no matter what the question was, and he didn't stumble over his words or need time to think...he knew what he believed in and he knew the information he was willing to share, and he gave if confidently. Whether I agreed with him or not, I was impressed with this guy.

There are so many times that I am asked for an opinion or someone challenges my beliefs, or challenges the essence of who I am and what I do...and it takes me time to regroup, usually the first thing out of my mouth isn't exactly what I wanted to say and share...10 minutes after the fact I think of something really wise and impactful that I could have said. I wonder if the guy on NPR ever feels that way.

2007-04-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

Life's Excitement...

Well it has been a busy week...it all started with Peer Ministry Training last weekend and then a quick trip out to Fort Wayne to visit my brother and sister-in-law. I love hanging out with them. My parents and grandparents...along with Gretal's family were all there as well. It was good. I know I've mentioned it before, but I always wish I could spend more time with my brother.

This time we were all in town for Jacob's call night. He graduates from the seminary in a little less than a month, and on Tuesday night the seminary had it's call night to tell the candidates where they would be heading after graduation. It was pretty neat to be sitting in the chapel filled with people and watch my brother receive his first call. He really is going to be a pastor...crazy. And not only is he going to be a pastor, but I think he's going to be a pretty good one. I'm pretty certain that he never reads this blog so I can brag about him a little bit and he'll never know. (as long as my parents don't snitch on me) My brother and I are alike in so many ways, but we've had our debates and disagreements over theological and doctrinal issues. I've spent a good amount of time in the last ten years of my life debating theological and doctrinal issues with people...alot of them pastors or soon-to-be pastors. Some people I disagree with and wonder how on earth they are going to make a positive impact in the Ministry...(of course all of us are set up for failure when it comes to ministry, but hopefully you get the point.) my brother on the other hand is really solid and grounded in scripture...and I'm really excited to see how God works through him as a pastor. God has definitely done a good thing...and I'm excited to watch it unfold. I'm also excited for him to be in full time ministry, there's something kinda of nice about having someone that knows me so well get a little better what it is I experience day in and day out as a professional church worker. Anyway he'll be in Dwight Illinois which isn't too terribly far from Chicago...and therefore only a few hours from my parents, which leads me to believe he and I might get to catch a few cardinals games from time to time!

Also while I was in Fort Wayne I got a phone call from my friend Danielle...she was in Florida visiting her family and was surprised by the early arrival of her second son while she was there...only my friend would go on vacation and give birth while she was there....Caleb Michael was a month early and is completly healthy and beautiful.

Today I was taking a nap when a phone call woke me up. It was Godson Noah...he's only 19 months so he doesn't have a ton of words yet, and our conversation wasn't filled with a ton of information but it was fun to hear his sweet voice on the other end of the phone, and even though I know it's the novelty of talking on the cell phone that he likes, it makes my heart smile just a little bit that he wanted to talk to me...ok ok, he did hang up on me twice...but we did cover some of the more important topics of the day...like the fact that he watched cartoons, likes apples, thinks caleb is cool (and noisy) and that he still can't say "Godmother Rachel"...he'll probably be six before he can say Godmother Rachel...it's a lot of syllables so I won't blame him...

Anyway it's been an exciting few days...my brother with his first call and my Godson with his first little brother. Now I can't wait to get to Minnesota to meet this kid, and see my friends that I love so much!

2007-04-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

The Time Has Come...

Well, I have my computer back, and apparently it's all fixed. Things have been busy...but that's neither nere nor there...the point is that I have a story to share.

Yesterday I chased a mouse out of church. As I was re-wireing a speaker (yes you heard me correctly, I was re-wireing a speaker that I finally moved from my office to the nursery because no one had gotten around to it a year and a half later) I asked Judy, the ever willing secretray, to go out to the shed to get some wire nuts (or whatever they're called) and as she walked down the hallway she began screaming bloody murder. Well it wasn't exactly bloody murder and that might be a bit of an exageration but for the purposes of our story we'll go with that...exageration sometimes makes the story better right??? I jumped off the ladder to ask what was wrong. She said there was a "critter" down there. By the sounds of her screams I was thinking it was going to be a huge animal...but no. It was a mouse...a teenie tiny little mouse that looked more scared than we did. So I decided to free it. Due to an extensive amount of mouse hunting that I did when we lived in the ghetto house on Dayton, I knew exactly how to handle this situation, so I blocked all point of exit except one, and I ever so carefully inched my way towards the mouse, hoping to not scare it. Then I went toward the handle to open the door. Of course the stupid little thing wouldn't go outside like it was supposed to so I had to shoo it out with a broom...but I have once again kept the church safe from the random animals that often get inside....and I totally put a new socket in a wall. I'm pretty stinking amazing.

Also last night I had a dream that I went on a date with Mr. Big from Sex in the City. I'm not sure what that was all about but I was also in Minneapolis and it was Lindsey's birthday. For her birther I got 2 dozen green balloons and I had to carry them through the streets, but it was windy and they all kept blowing away...and by the time I got there (after my date with Big) I only had one balloon...but she was still excited...so Lindsey, thanks for being the kind of friend that in my dreams is still kind to me when I lose 23/24ths of your birthday present.

That's all for now folks.

2007-03-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

When your computer doesn't work....

Is it weird that I sometimes don't know what to do when my computer doesn't work...it's like the click of the keys is a type of therapy for me. Unfortunately my laptop battery is dead, and the power cord decided to stop working so therefore I have no computer...sad, I know.
Things have been pretty busy anyway and I probably wouldn't have much time to be on it, so I guess it's not that huge of a deal.

Life is a little crazy right now...busy, but I guess it's a good busy. I hate being bored more than I hate being busy. So I just wanted to send a shout out to my blogging world so y'all didn't think I'd dropped off the face of the earth. I'm still here...

And hopefully next week my computer will be working and I'll have fun stories to share...we shall see.

p.s...I know that this wasn't in the least bit interesting, so I promise I'll be better next time.

2007-03-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

This Morning...

This morning I went to the port/marina/park to run/walk/jog with my dog. It's a pretty beautiful thing...the calm morning, cars aren't really out yet, people aren't either. It's just me, my dog, the sun, water and my ipod (oh yeah and the geese, but I choose to ignore them).

A thought hit me while I was doing my thing...I have never been more aware of my sinfulness than I have since the beginning of this year. It's not that I've become a "worse" person...or that I've turned away from God...I still believe and claim his forgiveness on my life, it's just that I, a person who has never had a problem living in grace before, am having a harder time forgetting the wrong I've done, the places I've fallen short, and my inadequacies. And I'm not sure why. I just know that every once and a while I am hit with a feeling that I am SOOO not good enough (which I've always known, but my confidence in Christ has never been an issue...and it's not that I'm not condident in what my Jesus can and does do). I am just very convicted. Maybe because it's spring...and that means spring cleaning...maybe I need to Spring Clean my life.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this here...I'm not looking for answers really. I just wanted to say that I think I understand some of the Psalms of David now where he is going through some rough stuff...and even though my life is pretty good, and it looks pretty good from the outside, on the inside, I'm still a big fat sinner. I get it.

2007-03-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

Big News...

Tonight, for the first time in my life, I successfully grilled my dinner on the Weber grill! It only took my half a bottle of lighter fluid to get the flame going...but that's not the point. The point is that the chicken was cooked, and the squash that I made was A-MaZiNg!

2007-03-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

And We Are Changed...

Haiti is amazing. On Sunday night I finally returned to MO (after a minor setback at the Houston airport that lasted nearly 24 hours, and holds enough events for at least three blogs, nevertheless, it is not the most important thing that happened in the last week and a half, so if you want to hear about it, you'll have to send me an email or give me a call.) This year preparing for Haiti was difficult, harder than last year, partly because of my busyness...partly because it was just me going from my congregation, and partly because it came so quickly after the first of the year. I wasn't able to dwell on what I was going to be doing, or even prepare as wisely as I had the previous year.

But the time came and I went.

All I can say is that I was immeasurably blessed by the time I spent with my brothers and sisters in Haiti. I still do not know why God has given me a heart for His people there, but he has, it's almost inexplicable.

This year I spent 8 days in Haiti. It wasn't nearly long enough. The 8 days were filled with so much. I played with kids...tried to speak their language...helped at orphanages...held babies at hospitals...jumped rope with kids that might go to meet Jesus very soon...spent time with friends that mean more to me than just about anything...felt Baby Tietjen kick...laughed...prayed...cried...sang...and even managed to move a little block and fill some holes with mortar.

I'll be honest and say that I haven't quite processed everything yet. There are so many people that I am with there, that inspire me...and almost in a way make me feel shameful of the way I take my life, time, and gifts for granted. Not a shame that makes me hang my head, but a shame that motivates me to be more than what is expected of me as a Christian in American Culture...instead it reminds me that God has called us to a higher calling...he has blessed us to be a blessing, and so often in my day to day life I forget that, but when I am Haiti I cannot forget.

I know that my life here in America will catch up with me again and some of the same patterns of my life will fall into place again, and ever so slowly, the tendency will be for me to forget how I am changed...the rush of routine will be the thing that leads and drives my life. I don't want to be that person though, and I will make an effort to be the kind of person who earnestly seeks God and His guidance in my life.

Soon I will post some pictures from the trip...and tell some specific stories...which hopefully you'll want to hear!

2007-03-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

Blessed...

I am blessed. My family is amazing. I thank God for you all...you are a gift to me, a gift that gets better every time I get to open you up!

And another blessing...God chooses to use me. I'm not sure why...but he does, and I am blessed.

2007-02-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

Slightly Irrational...

So last night when I blogged I was slighly irrational...sometimes that happens to me after a long day. Today I am better. In the light of day I can accomplish many things and I've actually been rather productive today. I've gotten a lot done and there's still much to be done...but it will happen when it happens, and I'm not going to stress about it!

I have my donation bags packed and I've managed to figure out a way to NOT have to be at the meeting tomorrow night. So that's a huge plus...now I have about 24 hours before I get in the car and head to St. Louis to prepare to leave for Haiti. I am so excited.

God taught me so much last year through my trip there, and I know that things will be different this year, but I cannot wait to get back to serve and spend time with people who have taken up residence in my heart.

2007-02-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

Overwhelmed, Overjoyed...

I'm starting to see this as a bit of a theme in my blogs...or at least a theme in the blogs that I start and never finish. I am sitting in bed, typing my report for the Elder's meeting this Thursday and I am overcome for the gazillionth time today with a complete sense of being overwhelmed. I just don't get how I can do it all...and maybe that's the thing...I can't do it all. The past few weeks have been chaotic, pouring into students, leading them in Bible studies, training seminars, and trying to have quality time with them. Then I have my adult Bible studies because people don't think I "care" about older people (ridiculous I might add) and that I don't spend enough time with them. I love the Bible studies...but lately I've been bending over backwards to make sure I make appearances at more meetings, and other activities so that I can "please" everyone. I'm trying to rally the leadership of our congregation around the idea that we are in some serious need of mission, vision, and planning...there's a building project on the way, our pastor is retiring, and those aren't the only changes on the horizon. I have my mission group that I meet with that is incredibly exciting, but then I think of all the potential for future ministry and feel so alone in the effort that I don't know what to do. I have youth trips to plan, outreach visions to coherently put into words, service projects for thrivent, evangelism meeting notes to make, and to top it all off I leave the country in 3 days and I haven't even begun to think about what I'm going to bring with me. That's just the "work" side of my life.

I'm trying to see my friends, and maintain relationships with a few people, exercise more, eat healthier, not bite my fingernails (which by the way I am an utter failure at lately), give my dog the attention she needs, keep my house clean, and the list goes on and on...

The only conclusion I can come to is that the people in this world who claim to have it "all together" are just lying to the rest of us.

Tomorrow is wednesday...it's Lent, so that means it will be a crazy filled day. I still have to pack for my mission trip...and then Thursday morning I have to be at the middle school at 7am (which I love doing but I may have to cancel this week) and then I'm supposed to be at a meeting at 7pm that evening get done at nine, pick up my dog, drive the 4 hours to STL, sleep for 3 hours and get to the aiport in time to catch my flight way stinking early the next morning. I guess it's my fault for planning so many things on top of each other...(although to be fair, I'd rather be chaotic than bored)...but seriously sometimes something has to give. I feel like bowing out of the meeting, but they're talking about serious stuff, and my ideas are all over the agenda...maybe I need to suck it up and tell them they don't need me for it, which in reality they don't...but my ego tells me that things would go "right" if I was there...but if I do that...ah...I guess it doesn't matter. I just needed to vent.

On the other side of things, I'm about to go to a place that I love dearly and see people that I have been missing for almost a year. Pray for me while I'm gone. I can't wait to see Haiti again.

2007-02-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

Also...

Tomorrow I am fasting for the first time. I am fasting because a dear friend has an 18 year old boy in her church who is undergoing brain surgery tomorrow. His name is Spenser. I don't know him, but he seems like an outstanding, extraordinary young man.

Please pray for him, that the sugery would go well, and that his eye sight and personality will remain intact.

2007-02-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

I don't...

I dont't talk to my brother enough. I love talking to my brother. When we talk, we don't talk about much...over the phone that is. We don't see each other too often...and we don't talk all that often...but I love my brother. I like just hearing what's going on in his world. I think we are so much alike, and so different at the same time. It's weird...and I don't know how to explain it, but I just talked to him, and I left the conversation knowing that I wish I talked to him more.

I guess I have to give props to my parents for raising us the way they did. I'm not sure how they managed to make sure that two kids so close in age ended up liking each other. I'm only guessing that my brother likes me as much as I like him.

he's my big brother...and I look up to him.

I guess that's all I have to say about that.

2007-02-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

I'm a baller...

I posted this on my myspace, but I wanted to put it here, because I thought it was pretty funny...

On Mondays I have Bible study at the junior high school with a group of girls. Today one of the girls I had to take home wandered into the gym where some kids were playing basketball, so I joined in with them. I shot a couple shots and made them and this little girl looks up at me and says, "Wow...you should play on our team" and I said, "I think I'm a little old for that." Then she said, "Well you should play on the high school team." And I said, "I think I'm a little old for that too." She looked at me looking all confused and said, "How old are you?" and I told her I was 26....she looked at me and says, "You totally look 19." Ha....only a 12 year old would think I was good at basketball...I loved it. And I'm pretty sure 19 is too old to play on the high school basketball team too. I did get to whip up on some kids that were trying to show off though.
So there you have it...Rachel's my name, and schooling little kids on the basketball court is my game.

2007-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

My List...

I have never been much of a list maker. Seriously I don't do it because I make the list, then it gets misplaced and I never find it again. Plus I'm the type of person who will just put things on a list so I can cross them off, usually meaning that I write something on the list that I have already done so I start off with a sense of accomplishment...My friends are list people...and recently my dear friend made me a "to-do" list for the month of january, but since I got it halfway through the month, I'm going to let it carry over into February. Here it is...

Rachel's January to do list:
1. Try a new food never eaten before (done...had the mexican steak wrapped around some kind of pepper...tres good. )
2. run at least 3 times per week (so far so good!)
3. Read 1 fun book and 1 educational book (halfway through the fun book...working on another)
4. take a risk (still not sure what this means...I mean I know what it means, just not sure what type of risk to take...hmmm)
5. organize shoes in closet (I'm moving this to last...I hate organizing...how about I pay someone to do it...)
6. throw away all socks and hose that have holes (this could also take a while...)
7. knit a scarf for lindsey (totally working on it...in fact we found the lost yarn, so I have officially started TWO scarves for lindsey!)
8. write a letter to someone you haven't talked to in over a month
9. get a car wash
10. put all car cds in a book (this seems pointless but I'll give it a go!)

It does feel good to have the list...it makes me feel like I'll accomplish something that I hadn't intended on doing in the first place. Plus it holds me to some things...like running...sometimes I just don't feel like doing it, but it's on my list...so I must!

Anyway I'll keep you all posted as to anything interesting that results because of my list. I'm sure there will be something...there always is.

2007-01-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

Can't Nobody Hold Me Down...

Ok...so the last blog was a little bit of a downer. And although those feelings I talked about are true, I try not to dwell on them too much. I guess I'm just more of a happy person. I don't like to dwell on the bad, and while this may be out of the norm for me I am getting ready to blog about the second thing in my life that is trying to keep me down.

It's the common cold.

It thinks that it has found its next victim, but Common Cold...you have another thing coming. I have set up an arsenal of vitamins, drugs, and herbal teas to help ward off the grossness that is trying to take over my body. It will not get the best of me. sing it with me..."Can't nobody hoooolllddd me down...oh no. I've got to keep on moving."

2007-01-22T12:02:00.000-08:00

Alone...

So the thoughts I am about to express are thoughts and feelings that have been whirling around inside my head and heart for a while now, and I want to preface it by saying that I feel so incredibly supported by my friends and family and I am sooo thankful that they are a phone call or not so short drive away. This confession has been a long time coming and it isn't necessarily an easy one for me to admit. But if Carrie Bradshaw can do it, so can I. (In fact watching Season 5 of my favorite television show and hearing the strong single independent Carrie confess this same feeling made me feel not as bad about claiming in.) I feel alone.

The loneliness I feel very seldom has anything to do with my personal life. Ok, sometimes it does. I long for the days when I could sit at the table with coffee and friends that just got it. I miss that. I don't often feel like there are people in my immediate life that are willing to stretch me, pull me, and challenge me to grow. Everyone who has an intimate knowledge of me lives at least 4 hours away and most of them are farther away than that. I miss having intimate friends to sit on the couch with and be ridiculous if I need to be ridiculous. So I guess on some level I feel a personal loneliness. There have been some big issues lately, mostly peripheral to my life, but handling them and dealing with them is always easier when you have a sounding board. I miss that.

The loneliness that has been hitting me the hardest is the loneliness of ministry. This loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. My heart convicts me so strongly in the ministry that I have been given. I had my junior high youth at a gathering this weekend. There were only 4 of them and I was the only chaperon. During one of the worship times, that feeling hit me. I felt alone. I felt like I was constantly handling the situations incorrectly...was I disciplining them too much, was I giving them too much freedom, was I getting frustrated when I shouldn't have gotten frustrated, should I be that annoying youth leader who "overdoes" it in an attempt to look cool for the masses...I wanted someone to hold my hand and say, "Rachel it's going to be alright." I needed someone to say, "10 years from now these youth will look back on this gathering as a changing point in their lives" even if it wasn't true. Being in youth ministry in this congregation is difficult. There aren't many people who even recognize that there's a younger generation out there...I want to make them all watch Pollyanna and remember that young people can impact older ones.

The loneliest ministry though is the outreach ministry. It's so difficult. I feel like there is very little help. People don't seem to care. I can put in 80 hours or 20 and it doesn't seem to make a difference. I don't know how to get a message across. I don't know how to get people excited about the things that I'm excited about and the the things I think God would have us be concerned for. I've been reading a lot of readings from the prophets in the old testament lately. I think prophets had a pretty junky job most of the time...they were called to bring a message that people didn't want to hear. Sometimes I feel that way. People don't want to hear that they should care more about others than they do themselves. We're taught in America to look out for number one, and number one is yourself. Sometimes I feel like church is more about chasing the American Dream than following Jesus. I think it's even more frustrating to me because I know I do it too sometimes...so then I feel hypocritical asking someone to do something that I fail at too. I don't even know if this makes sense. I just wish that I had someone else that cared about it like I do. Someone who was working with me.

I know that God is always with us, and working in and through me, and that I shouldn't feel lonely with God on my side, but I guess sometimes I have trouble recognizing that God is there. I think I'm just in a season of life where when I look ahead at all the things that could happen, and all the things I feel like I could accomplish it just seems so big. Too big. Too big to go it alone. And it's in those moments that I try to remind myself that I'm not going it alone. I just wish I could get that feeling to stick. Loneliness stinks.

2007-01-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Hesitation...

I hesiate to write this for two reasons...

1) Lindsey is going to be upset that I made something for someone else first,

and

2) You will all think that I have definitely gone off the "freak show" deep end.

Tonight I finished my first knitting project. It was a scarf for my dog. I don't even think she likes it. Ungrateful pet.

2007-01-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

...

So it's been a while since I blogged, and quite honestly there has been a lot going on in my world since I last wrote...and there are so many things that I actually wanted to write about along the way. Unfortunately blogger hated me for a few days and wouldn't let me sign in, so believe me when I tell you there are loads of great blogs that were never written because technology got the better of me. (seriously, I watched Walk the Line today for the first time and i was blown away...I always new I wanted to marry Joaquin Phoenix...but after this movie I'm pretty sure I will be pining for him for the rest of time) Ah well.

Today is my parent's anniversary. They have been married for 29 years. The older I get the more I realize how incredible my parents actually are. I love them so much and I'm so thankful for their influence in my life. I think the thing that amazes me the most is how much they actually love each other. I often wonder if I will ever be able to spend day in and day out with one person, but the thing about my parents is that they would actually rather spend their time with each other than any other person, thing or activity. They are an amazing testament to marriage in it's truest purest form and in a world where relationships are getting more and more messed up and have a better chance of failing than sticking together, I have learned to appreciate the beauty of what they have together. I can look at them as more than just the people who raised me and love me unconditionally...I can look at them as a couple who has made a committment to each other and God and in spite of the hard things in life have stuck it out, and their relationship is even more beautiful because of it. And while I don't know if I'll ever get married, I do know that if I do I can thank my parents for all the lessons they've taught me about relationships, whether they realize it or not.

While I'm on the topic of relationships, I've been thinking a lot about them recently. Not specifically romantic relationships, or "friend" relationships, but the idea of two people giving to each other's existance. What's interesting to me is how you can be something to someone for an extended period of time and then something happens and it all seems to change. The relationship may still be there, but it just takes on a different form...it looks different, and it definitely feels different. Part of this "change" usually makes me sad...in a way I almost mourn the loss of what I had, but part of the "change" is good too I suppose. We all need change...we're dynamic creatures. It's in these times of change that it's important to trust God...

which leads me to my last thought. I had a great talk with my grandmother tonight. If you have never met my grandmother, you should. She's amazing. It's great because she always seems to know what to say to me...reassures me of Gods goodness. Tonight I was putting away the end of my Christmas decorations, and as I wrapped stuff up I was overwhelmed with the thought of missing my Grandma Adams. I have so much of her Christmas stuff...most of it I got when she passed away. I miss her...then I picked up my phone and there was a voicemail from my other Grandmother...her voice made me smile...then I called her...our conversation made my heart smile. She is so wise, and discerning, and caring. The best thing is that I know that she's praying. She's always praying...

I hope I grow up to be just like her.

2007-01-03T08:01:00.000-08:00

I Simply Remember My Favorite Things...

What a week...So much has happened since I last wrote a blog the day after Christmas. It's been busy, crazy, fun, tiresome, confusing, fabulous and so much more. I recently spent 4 days in Minnesota. Some of my favorite people still live in the Twin Cities and I try to get up there to visit them a few times a year. This visit was special though because there were no conferences, youth groups, events, meetings, or anything else that was on the agenda...just good quality friend time. So if you'd like...take a walk with me down memory lane from my last few days of 2006 to the beginning of 2007.

First off...I was completely wrapped up in the adorableness of Godson Noah. I don't think this child could be any cuter, or have more personality. He has grown so much since the last time I saw him (and that was only 4 months ago!)

I love this child! I had so much fun playing with him, listening to him say "Hi" and observing his "Pity the Fool Face" and when you ask him what a snake says you can actually get him to smile like this...

Also I think Godson Noah liked the Christmas presents I brought! The cell phone seemed to be a big hit, and once he figured out how to walk in the snow boots I think he really liked them! Here he is geared up with some of his Christmas presents...

There was no shortage of fun while I was in MN. I love my Minnesota friends. Hanging out with Best Friend Danielle's Husband Paul is always a highlight. What I love about Paul is that the more I get to hang out with him, the more I feel like he is truly a friend of mine...he's not just my friend's husband but he's a friend as well...and he's funny...he coaches me in old school arcade racing games, watches late night CNN, Conan and the horrible Carson Daly Show, and reads bedtime stories about how to be a better superhero! He'll be talking complete nonsense one minute and the next he says something that is really profound. Also, another perk to being paul's friend is that he'll let you try on his Valentine's Pants...

Then there are my girlfriends...my sisters...Hanging out with Lindsey and Danielle is always fabulous. The only problem is that there just isn't enough time. And on top of Lindsey and Danielle time I even got to hang out with Laura...who is more beautiful every time I see her. I love these women. We laugh, cry, talk, eat, sing, play, and try to solve the worlds problems. They are better friends than any person could ask for. Here are some pics of the "photo shoot" with Laura...

And of course no trip to MN would be complete without a "sister's picture." My New Year's resolution this year is to make sure at some point all of the sisters are together in one place at the same time so we no longer have to talk about photo shopping someone in! Inga you were missed!

oh...and here's a fun one of Linds and I at midnight! Just before we played the messed up, not real, version of Balderdash...stupid Matel.

There are so many things I could say about this trip. I had so many highlights....from worshipping with my friends and bringing food to the homeless people on the snowy streets, to singing the goodnight lullaby to my Godson with his mother who happens to be my best friend. I wish that I could share in the everday life of these beautiful people. At this point in our life God has called us to different places, but thankfully the distance has not make these friendships any less fabulous, I actually think they have gotten stronger and more beautiful as the years have gone by. I cannot wait to see where God takes us! Lastly I got to be with Danielle and Lindsey as Noah experienced his first snow...we took about a gazillion pictures, but blogger will hate me if I try to post them all...so I'll close with a couple of pics that I adore of Godson Noah and me in the snow! Cheers to my friends...Cheers to 2006...and Cheers to a fabulous 2007!

Then End!

2006-12-26T18:06:00.000-08:00

The glow of my tree...

It's the day after Christmas. I've just had a whirlwind week and weekend, and now here I sit in my front room, back at my own house, alone and quiet. My front room is lit with the glow of my Christmas tree. I left my dog at my mom and dad's house becuase I'm leaving for MN this weekend. The only sound is the hum of my heater. I have a glass of wine and I am relaxed.

There's so much I could write about. I have learned and grown so much in the past four days. There are two things that I feel like writing about but honestly time and words will probably fail to accurately share what it is I want to share.

The first thing is that I have the most amazing family. I love them more than I can express. I've always known how blessed I am to have amazing parents, and a wonderful relationship with my brother (and sister in law too). This weekend I got to spend quite a bit of time with my grandparents. If you know me at all you know how much I love my grandparents. I was always close to my three grandparents. Whenever there are family things I miss my Grandma Adams. Since she passed away there are still times that I wish I could call her on the phone because I know she understood me more than just about anyone I could think of. I think there were so many things about us that were similar...Grandma just knew me. I missed her at the candlelight service on Christmas Eve. I miss hearing her sing the harmony to Silent Night...I tried to fill in for her this year, but somehow it just wasn't as beautiful. I realized again this weekend how proud I am to say that I am a lot like my Grandma Adams. This weekend did give me the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with my Grandma and Grandpa Ehrhard. My grandma is in the hospital and I got to spend a lot of time sitting at the end of her bed, talking about nothing imporant but just being together. (Mom, dad, grandma and grandpa...I know you'll read this....so don't roll your eyes yet. I just want to share with my friends how wonderful you all are) I guess all I really want to say about it is this...if anyone wants to know what true, real love and devotion look like, spend a minute with my grandparents. Your heart will be full...like mine still is.

Then there were the times this weekend when I got to hang out with my parents. They are still the people whose opinion matters most to me...and even though my father might tell you differently at times, I respect them more than anything. As I get older not only do I look to them for guidance and "parental" type things, but I also look to them for friendship. We really do have a good time together. So if you want another look at true love and see how playful it can be, try spending an afternoon with my parents. It's sure to be a good time! Especially if my dad reads you the story about Armodillo Ray.

And the second thing is this...I am convinced once again that God still speaks to his children today. I spent a lot of time in church this weekend. Each time I walked into the sanctuary with something hanging on my heart, and each time the scripture readings and sermons could have been written and spoken just for me. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of what Christmas really means. This year in my family the parties looked different, there weren't rooms and rooms full of presents, and our "holiday" was about as disjointed as it could be...but I think this Holiday has been one of the best ever because I was once again given the most precious gift...the gift of God with us.

p.s...if anyone tried to call this weekend, I didn't answer because my phone broke when I was in STL....it's fixed now...and should be working again.

p.p.s...I am going to MN this weekend and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE ALL MY MN FRIENDS!!!!!! : ) And Beautiful Godson Noah. YAY!

2006-12-21T06:50:00.000-08:00

Scary...

I saw the most frightening commercial last night. I was sitting in front of the tele, wasting time watching Dirty Dancing...not the movie, but the new reality show with Chris Judd...when I should have been wrapping present (which I haven't started) or cleaning up the kitchen after our Christmas Cheer party (which I'm partially started).

It was a commercial break and it showed a mom and dad sleeping soundly and the children sleeping in their rooms when all the sudden some women starts singing "Oh Christmas Tree." Eventually all the family members wake from their slumber and tiptoe down the hallway. As they near the front room you can see the glow of the Christmas tree and as the camera pans around the corner, Celene Dion is sprawled on the floor under the tree singing.

The narrator then says something to the effect of, "wouldn't it be great if every one could have Celene Dion under their Christmas tree on Christmas morning"

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry... If Celene Dion was on my floor on Christmas morning, I'd be a little worried. I think it was trying to sell her perfume.

2006-12-05T07:32:00.000-08:00

Too Good to Be True!

I have a bunch of stuff I want to update everyone on...And I have lots of pictures from my new digital camera that I'd like to share...but in the interest of my time, I wanted to tell you all about my spectacular morning so far.

I overslept a little bit this morning and came running into work in a "haven't had my coffee yet" type of haze. A lady from church that I adore told me there was a package for me in front of my office door. Yay! My first Christmas present. So I opened my gift to see what it was and I tell you no lie...it was a Chia Pet. I have to say that this is quite possibly the best "church" gift anyone has ever given me. Not only is is a chia pet, but it is an elephant chia pet with a free Chia Alarm clock that rings the tune of "ch ch ch chia." Absolutely too good to be true!

2006-11-22T07:20:00.000-08:00

To Give Thanks...

One of my favorite Thanksgiving moments was when I was living in a house with some amazing women. I could write about it here and tell you all about it, but instead I'm just going to tell you to check out Lindsey's blog (it's linked on the side of my page). Feel free to join in the fun and add to the list of things you're thankful for. It's fun...be as creative or ridiculous as you want!

This year, take some time to think about the things that you are thankful for...maybe start with the things you take most for granted...I'm sure you'll be blessed by the experience.

Happy Thanksgiving (tomorrow) to everyone!

2006-11-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

Hair...

I got my hair cut again last night...and if I had a digital camera this would be the perfect moment for me to whip it out and take a picture of my fabulously cute hair.

Unfortunately I don't have a camera...and by Thursday (when I'm in STL around people with cameras) I will probably be struggling with trying to fix my hair in a way that doesn't look absolutely ridiculous! : )

But it's cute right now...too bad you can't see it!

2006-11-16T06:40:00.000-08:00

Well...it finally happened.

Today I received my first invitation from a church singles group. Apparently the word is out that I am indeed a Christian and old (and single) enough to be part of a "singles" group.

I don't really know how to put this without sounding like a horrible person...but I've always kind of thought that "singles" groups were there for those adults who are starting the down slide of their prime and getting a little...well...desperate. I really don't think I fit into either of those categories...but maybe I just have the wrong view of things...I always imagine that the majority of people present at these types of group meetings are single women in the late twenties to early forties who are somewhat awkward when it comes to the art of conversation and relationship...but maybe I'm wrong and being a complete jerk. Maybe this event is something that would be fun, and a good way to meet other people my age in the SW Missouri area...of course I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the lie that all singles have to tell themselves to make themselves show up to an event such as this.

To their credit the group has chosen to meet at a micro-brewery and then go on the art-walk in Springfield...so it doesn't sound totally lame. I have not yet decided if I will grace the event with my presence so weigh in on the issue if you'd like...

Also...it feels like winter. It's cold. That's all...I'm out.

2006-11-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

Frustration...

I hate when people clearly see that you are frustrated and say, "don't let this frustrate you." Um...ok.

I don't really know what else to say. I felt like blogging a couple seconds ago, and now as I sit at my computer I'm not feeling it quite as much.

The moral of this story is that I am frustrated. Slightly discouraged even. The problem is that when I get this way it's hard to focus on other things because I dwell on fixing the thing that's frustrating me. Am I weird? I sometimes wish I was the type of person who could just let things go and move on...but I'm not. My friend Rachel commented on something that I wrote and said that she was glad that I had these moments because it means that I have compassion...my father once said that maybe it was good that I got upset about some of these things because it means that I was still passionate about what I do. Maybe they're right...or maybe I just haven't formed the thick skin that I need for my job.

Last night at bible study my prayer request was for patience. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me patience. Would it be bad to tell someone, "You are God's way of teaching me patience." That's probably not the best way to approach the situation. Sometimes though I just want to tell people, "your mother would tell you you're being ridiculous right now." I realize that these probably aren't the best thoughts to put out there into the blogging world...anyone and everyone could read them...and my mom will probably call me and tell me I'm being ridiculous when she reads this...but it's just me, and what i'm feeling right now. I love people, and I want to lead them to jesus, but it's hard when situations make it hard for me to love them...Iguess that's when we realize it's time to step aside and let God do the work.

2006-11-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

Waiting...

So it's no secret that I'm not good at waiting. In fact I'm pretty horrible at it. I used to joke that when God gave out the gift of patience, I was at the end of the line. When I was growing up I was at my friend Ingrid's house and I remember we were hungry...really hungry. We found some frozen dinners in the freezer and groaned when the package said we were going to have to wait a whole 2 and half minutes for the dinner to be done. I guess I'm ok with the fact that I'm a not a good waiter...I have other gifts. I was reading a book this evening as I was preparing for my Sunday Evening Bible Study group and it said that we should write down all our thoughts on waiting... so here are some of mine.

it's hard...

I think I don't like waiting because I'm afraid of what the outcome might be...or more that the outcome won't be what I want it to be. Maybe it's a lack of faith or trust. How many times have I read in scripture that God has a plan for my life...how many times have I heard people say, "if it's not worth waiting for, maybe it's not worth having." And yet this culture that we live in tells us we should have everything right now. Fast food. Convenience shops. ATMs. Pay at the Pump. Credit Cards.

It's not good enough to get out of college and get your feet on the ground, but you're supposed to be successful and make decent money so you can pay off your college loans and drive a nice car and have a nice home...and the constant question, "why aren't you dating anyone? Don't you think it's time to start thinking about getting married and having a family?" It seems we are always being rushed into the next phase of life. It seems like sometimes waiting is equated with being discontent...you're just waiting for something better to come along.

Maybe waiting is more about being in the "now" than anticipating the next best thing. I used to always feel content in the moment. I find as I grow older, I grow bored quicker...When I'm bored I become discontent, and when I'm discontent I start looking (rathing impatiently) for the next best thing to come along.

What would our lives look like if we lived in the now...if we embraced each moment for what it was and what it was worth...what if we really lived like each day was a gift that we have been given. What would it look like if we lived like each day would be our last.

I don't know...I suppose i could write on forever and ever on this subject and never make any sense whatsoever...but people are arriving for Bible Study so off I go.

2006-10-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

FYI...

I'm not sad anymore...now I'm just sick. ugh.

2006-10-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

Right now...

I am sad. That is all.

2006-10-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

I gave it away...

Tonight I had a meeting/Bible study with some people in my area that I do community youth outreach with. For the second week in a row there is one girl who hasn't had a Bible with her. I happened to have an extra pocket Bible out in my car so I went out and grabbed it for her to use. At the end of the night, I asked her if she needed a Bible because she could have mine if she wanted it.

She opened the front of the Bible and I realized it was one that I had had for quite some time. In the front of it was my name written in little Rachel's handwriting, and "Grace Chapel Sunday School" was written in the "Presented By" section.

I'd forgotten that at one time I had gotten that Bible for perfect attendance at Sunday School. I was proud of it. I had tried hard to be at Sunday School every week and that Bible had been my reward. Tonight I gave it away. I won't lie. It does make me a little sad that I won't be able to look at my scribbled name, but I can't think of anything I could have done with that book that would have been better. I hope that book is as much a reward to her as it was to me so many years ago.

2006-10-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I realized...

the fullness of the town I live in. If you know me, it's no secret that I prefer the city. I like the speed, the buildings, the people, and sometimes I even like the concrete (although don't get me wrong...I do love communing with Mother Nature!)

But last night it hit me full force...this is where I live...in the midst of people who have little in common with me...whose lives are sooo different from mine...and who actually like hanging out at the local bar.

The evening started like this. The Cardinals were playing, and since I LOVE the Cardinals, I decided I would be watching the game...not to mention that it's kind of an important time in Baseball and all! The unfortunate part was that due to other obligations I wouldn't be able to watch the beginning of the game, but I figured that I would still be able to catch the 4th inning on...so I made plans with my friend Aubrey to go and watch the game at a bar that is midway between our houses.

This bar was down the street from where I live....If you want to get a feel for the type of establishment it is, they actually have a lounge singer during dinner time, and their salad bar consists of iceberg lettuce and little more. It's kind of sad. But downstairs is a pretty decent sized bar (with HORRIBLE chairs) and they have a big screen television.

I got there before Aubrey and went in. I sat down at the bar and the girl behind the bar walks over. She looked interesting to say the least with her Colts hat on sideways. I order a beverage and it takes her a while. She's too busy fighting back and forth with some of the costumers and randomly making out with some guy. She finally gets me the drink. The Jukebox is playing music about 50 notches louder than it needs to be...it was beyond annoying. Throughout the evening it switched back and forth between Metalica, country music, and sappy Chicago and Jounrney songs...the other girl behind the bar kept going over and playing more music all evening...I wanted to break her legs.

There were people playing pool...most a few of them quite drunk...and one pair of guys looks like Mut and Jeff. There was the tall lanky African American man (which in itself is amazing since my town is overrun with white folk) and his friend was a short white guy with a nasty long goatee type thing and a tatoo of Green Eggs and Ham on his arm. Who tattoos Green eggs and ham on their arm????

There was another Cardinals fan in the room who bragged to me that not only did he have a home down in the Ozarks but also one in Pontoon Beach across the River from STL. I'm sure they're both very nice homes....

The fact that the Cardinals totally lost didn't do anything to make me feel better...and by the time we were ready to leave, I was beginning to feel pretty sad that this was the company I was keeping. I don't mean to judge and I'm trying not to...but wow...those people at the bar were living their normal life...go to the bar on Sunday night...let the jukebox blow out your eyes...drink until you can't walk...make out with random people...and drive a big truck. I guess that's ok (well some of it anyway) but it's just not me. I want to go to a book store. I want to see theater that doesn't involve old country stars. I want to meet people who care about world issues and actually know what the washington page controversy is!

But...this is my life. At least it's interesting! I'm going to Springfield tonight to watch the game...

2006-10-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

Today is the Day...

It's official. Today I claim 26 years of life. It's kinda crazy. 26 years...that means 26 birthdays. For those of you who know me (and I'm pretty sure you all do) you know that I absolutely adore my birthday. I love celebrating and there's still something very magical for me about my birthday. It makes me want to dress a little cuter, smile a little bit more, and most definitely wear fabulous shoes!

As I look back on my life (which some people say is only just beginning) I feel like I've done, and am doing, pretty good for myself. I am a successful (whatever that means!) single woman, who is more than happy with who she is and lives life with a smile on her face and a laugh in her voice. I know I'm not perfect, but who wants to be perfect...it seems so boring. I think my flaws are part of what makes me...me.

It's been a good 26 years, and I bet the next 26 will be pretty amazing too...I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I'm pretty sure being me, there will be at least some adventure and few crazy stories to tell along the way, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Since today is my birthday, I've been thinking of the good times of birthdays gone by, so if you'd like, please feel free to take a trip down memory lane with me.

Some of my earliest birthday memories involved the joint family birthday parties for me and my brother. Our birthdays are less than a month away...often I would get more than one party for my birhtday...the family party, the school party, and the party for me and my friends...maybe that's why I still feel the need to celebrate for an extended period of time when this day rolls around.

I remember having a cake once that looked like a doll. It was so neat.

I remember slumber parties...lots of slumber parties when Marti, Ingrid, Katie, Cindy, Melissa and the gang all ended up at my house. We usually got into some kind of trouble...there was the one year that someone overflowed the toilet and to this day my parents still don't believe it wasn't me! Then there were the years that we pulled the bed mattress out of my room and put on the counter and roll down it into the family room.

Then there was the surprise costume party my mom and dad threw for me...and they got me the flapper costume and it was Awesome!

There was the birthday trip to NYC, and seeing tons of plays with my parents, tavern on the green, the New York Athletic club, and the cute guy that worked with dad's colleagues out in NYC.

College birthdays were fun...that's when Mel sent me my pool boy, and the infamous blow up doll entered the scene. His name was Antoine...too funny!

Then there was trip to MI sophmore year with Rachel and Danielle...oh man there were enough laughs that weekend to last a lifetime, and I got to travel 12 hours in the Big Blue Van all decorated for the birthday and spend time with the waller family who more and more feel like they are truly my family...

Then the last yearof college is when the tradition of Birthday Wings entered the scene thanks to Laura. That was the year I turned 21. Gruber, Danielle and Laura took me to a little pub in St. Paul where we toasted in my birthday at midnight, and the next day we had the pancake breakfast at the house and people all over campus kept walking up to me and telling me happy birthday and giving me flowers becuas my friends set it up that way...AND that was the year that Christus Choir started singing to me as soon as I walked into Chapel! Then the trip to IA to see camp friends and Julie Brown sang the Birthday song, and Keith played the song he had written, which to this day is about the nicest, coolest thing anyone has ever said about me and done for me. I'm also pretty sure that's when I got my speeding ticket in the middle of no where trying to visit Steff.

Then the North Carolina Birthdays began...with Ann and Martha laughing at me for wearing the wings. Danielle had all the friends send TONS of B-day cards. The Greig Family always made my birthday special! And I will never forget the night we went to the Martini Bar for my birthday and the random guy become our best friend and Becky left a way too big tip! And the time that Charles played "Happy Birthday" to me as the organ postlude after a Sunday service!!!

Then last year my mom came down and we went to Eureka Springs and the "pizza escapades." That's when I learned what it really means to live in the Ozarks...and Aubrey and I will never forget snaggletooth who wanted to celebrate my birhtday with us so badly!

And this year has been pretty fabulous already. My parents came down to visit...just in time to come with me to the 80s party! (Pics to come soon) My cool new roomate and Aubrey took me to lunch at the hard luck diner where Laura and her friends sang to me, and made a bit of a fuss over the birthday...and tonight I think I will just hang out with some good friends.

Writing all of this down reminds me what a great life I really do have. I have been so blessed with the people around me, and I really do cherish each and every one of you. My life would not be as full without you and I know that God has chosen to bless me with you all! Thanks for loving me...thanks for taking this life journey with me, and I hope that as the years roll by we will have amazing experiences piling up one after another...each of them showing us a little bit more of how great and abundant life is!

2006-10-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends...

Well I figured I would take this opportunity to give you all a little update on my life. Nothing too new and exciting, but it's been a while.

I've pretty much been the only person in my office for the past two days and I'm getting sick of answering the phones, which seals it for me, I will never be a secretary.

I've been pretty busy with work stuff, lots of youth activities and other stuff going on around here. Last week I even had to get up two days in a row at 5:30 in the morning in order to be at morning youth functions. I thought that youth leaders never had to get up before 9...but I apparently I am wrong! : )

I have a new roommate. Her name is Valerie and she is an Americorp worker. She moved in last Thursday and things are going pretty well...granted we haven't even lived together for a week yet, but we have both decided that watching Parental Control on MTV pretty exciting. It's a really ridiculous show but I can't lie, I get sucked into it! Great now my dating life is being lived vicariously through hormonal teenagers whose parents hate their current significant (or insignificant) others.

My birthday is a week from today. In one week I will be 26. I'm trying to think of the things I should do before I turn 26, but nothing is really coming up...so I'm open to suggestions!

Well that's about it. I'm off to work!

2006-09-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

I Feel Fall...

Today when I woke up it was cool. It was the first real cool day that we've had here in SW Missouri. It feels good to have my favorite brown sweater on, and I love that I'm sitting here in my office listening to great music, drinking some good coffee, and working on next year's plans.

I love fall, but it makes me miss my friends. It makes me want to go horseback riding and pick apples. It makes me want to smell the smell of bonfires and drink apple cider. I want to bake a pie, and hang out with my roommates from the ghetto house on Dayton!

I don't know what it is about this season but for some reaons it makes me all nostalgic. Fall was always a time of new beginnings. I miss that part of fall, the new school year, the new friends, sports, clothes, possibilities... Maybe I just need to be more creative in my life and make some new beginnings for myself!

2006-09-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

This Makes Me Smile

Godson Noah at 1....who and where will you be when you're grown???

2006-08-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

Godson Noah...

Godson Noah turns 1 on Saturday. I am leaving right now...like as soon as I finish this post...and I am driving to MN for the fabulous occasion...I can't wait to see my lovely friends!

Look out Minnesota, here I come!!

2006-08-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

Just some nonsense...

I don't really have anything spectacular to write about today. I just felt like writing. Maybe it's the gray weather, or the slow morning.

This morning I woke up early, because my dog was up and barking for no reason. This is strange behavior from an animal that usually looks at me like I am crazy when my alarm goes off at 8am. But for some reason, Lucy was up early and barking...

It's funny the things you're able to do in the morning when you wake up early...like shower and get ready without having to run around like a crazy person, which is what happens most mornings for me. One of the things I enjoy most about mornings with time is coffee. I cannot express to you how much I adore drinking coffee...yes I know it will turn my teeth yellow, and yes I know caffeine is not spectacularly good for you, and I know that it will stunt my growth and I will never be 5 foot 9 like I always thought I would be. But I don't care, the all around good feeling that I get when I drink the coffee and smell the aroma is something I can't match with anything else.

So I was in the office by 8:15 and drinking coffee at my incredibly messy desk. I know I ought to clean it, but to be honest, I'm just not in the mood. I want to get my schedule worked out. I want to write some goals for next year. I need to get organized (which if you know me, is no small task!)

That's all I've got for today everyone...just a bit of nonsense. But that's just me.

2006-08-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

Why am I addicted???

Why am I so addicted to Project Runway. Seriously! I can't get enough of it. I've had it on my television since I got home. Granted I haven't been watching tv since I got home, but even hearing it is exciting for me. There's a new episode on tonight and I'm pretty stinking excited about it!

Tonight I am actually hanging out at home, hanging out by myself, and enjoying a little downtime. I can't remeber the last time I did this. It's been a while, and I'm not going to lie...it feels good.

I'm gonna read, run on the treadmill, and then watch the new Project Runway...and then lay my little relaxed head down to sleep! : )

I couldn't be happier!

2006-07-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

What's the Verdict???

Myspace and the kids in my youth group...If they're posting stuff about alcohol and party and junk (even if in all likelihood they aren't drinking or partying...well some are, some are just writing it to be cool)...do I call them out on myspace with a message or try to talk them in person or what....

your input is greatly appreciated...

2006-07-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

It's one of those mornings...

I just don't know where to begin. I have all my last VBS stuff to deal with, my house is a disaster (and I have a group of vbs volunteers staying at my house for the week.) Most of my materials still have not showed up, I'm sick of making decorations, and I'm pretty tired. On top of it all, I'm supposed to go out with some friends tonight and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to cancel.

So I'm sitting at my desk and I'm trying to get my junk in order, and I just am not feeling it today. I feel like I just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Yesterday I was entirely productive...but today just doesn't feel like it's going to pan out that way. I'm thinking I may go get some coffee from the good coffee place up the road. That'll kick me into high gear.

2006-07-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

And I Cried...

You're not allowed to laugh at me.

The past few days have been a crazy, busy, hectic, exciting, group of days. Last thursday I left for STL to visit my family. I love spending time with my parents. I think the older I get, the more I like being around them. My dad's birthday was Thursday so we went out for dinner at a great Italian restaurant on the Hill. It was so good. My mom and dad and friend Cheryl made for a fun, interesting evening. You may have heard about the storms that hit the STL area and how a ton of people in the area were without power. My parents' home was one of the places without electricity, which meant that my parents, dog andI all slept in the basement of the house trying desperately to find the coolest place in the house. I'll never forget the night of my dad's 51st birthday, because I believe it is the only night my parents and I have had a slumber party. It was definitely memorable!

On Friday I got to hang out with my grandparents in the morning. We went to breakfast hoping to find a place that had air conditioning since they too had spent the night in the heat. We went to an IHOP...I won't lie, it was kinda ghetto. There were over 30 people on the list in front of me when I put our names on there. My grandparents arrived after me and not even 10 minutes after they arrived another storm hit and the electricity at IHOP went out too...chaos ensued!

We decided to stay and get whatever breakfast we could. All of us ate eggs, bacon, and milk, because that's all they could give us with the power outage. It was another memory I will hold for forever.

After hanging out with my grandparents whom I love very much, I went down to Barnes hospital to visit with my friend Cheryl and her mom Jane. Jane had a bone marrow transplant becuase she has cancer and I wanted to be able to be a support to my friend and her family at that time. It was my primary reason for going to St. Louis that weekend. I was surprised to see Jane looking amazingly well. We hung out at the hospital most of the day. It was nice to sit around and talk with my friend and her mom. I joked that I would spend the night there since they had air conditioning. I got to wear a surgical mask....if you think about it, say a prayer for Jane. She is an amazingly brave woman and I pray for her healing every day.

My parents came and picked Cheryl and I up and took us for dinner at another amazing Italian restaurant. (one of the things I miss most about STL are the amazing Italian restaurants.....sigh) We had pizza and talked for quite some time. I always forget how much I love having Cheryl as a friend until we spend time together. She is aboslutely amazing, and so fun to be around.

The next day I hung out at the hospital again. It was good...again. Then I returned home.

I have been working like crazy because VBS starts in less than week...which leads me to the title of this blog. Yesterday was a long day for me. I didn't leave work until after 12:30...in the morning! It was a long day and this morning I had to wake up early so I could leave the house by 7 to get to a meeting that I had out of town. I didn't get back to my house until 6:45 this evening. I am tired. I am worn out. And to make matters even worse I have been waiting on a box full of VBS supplies that I orderd almost a month ago.

Today I finally got an email about them saying that they had been returned to the company and the money was refunded to me...WHAT????? So I tracked my package of supplies and found out that somehow they thought I had given them an insufficient address...so I checked that too. I hadn't messed anything up...THEY HAD....so I called the company. A nice man answered the phone and told me that they had shipped it to the wrong place. He asked me if I wanted to place the order with him again...and I started to cry. I don't cry in front of people...not very often. But this man had to listen to me boo hoo to him about my VBS supplies. He was so nice. He replaced the order and had it shipped express without charging me...so I guess the crying might have actually been benificial..I just hope my stuff shows up!!!

That's not the worse part though...after I got done with the VBS stuff I decided to run on the treadmill...have a glass of wine and get ready for bed...while I was running I put in the movie Honey. I don't know if you have seen it...it's not meant to be a tear jerker...but after running I sat down to watch the movie and at the end I started to cry. Not just a few loose tears but a full on sob. I felt slightly ridiculous...just slightly. Who crys at honey???? I think I am just overly tired...which is why at this point I am going to say, "Don't Judge ME" and go to bed!

love.

2006-07-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

Frustration of the Day...

I can't ecxactly pinpoint it, but for some reason I am just frustrated today. I am sitting at my desk, with my happy mood lamps on, actually accomplishing things, and yet I feel extremely frustrated. I can't tell you exactly why it is either.

Today is my dad's birthday and I am going to St. Louis this evening to see him for the special occasion, but it's only 1:30, and I want to leave now...unfortunately there is work that I should probably keep working on for a bit more before I hop in the car. The idea of driving for 4 hours isn't too terribly exciting to me, but I suppose it'll be good to clear my head.

I think most of my frustration is stemming from ministry type stuff at this time. There are so many things that I want to do and I want to see happen, but I am at the point at the new church where I'm no longer new and people aren't going to do things just because they want to do things for me, and I don't know how to help them capture my heart, God's heart, for the people in our community. I guess it's just one of those things that take time. I've always felt like I was one of those people that had an excitement about the things I care about that seems to be contagious to those around me...but I don't know if that's the case anymore...or at least where I'm at. I guess it's just time for me to be more intentional about sitting down with people and sharing my life, and my heart with them.

I just wish people saw that church and their relationship with God and the body of Christ is so much more than going through the motions on Sunday morning.

ok...enough of me jabbering on about frustration. Chin up...

I'm off to work...and then STL.

2006-07-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

mlegh...

VBS may be the end of me.

2006-07-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

I don't want no scrub...

So the scrubs aren't terribly attractive, and yet somehow I think we managed to look pretty stinkin cute!

2006-07-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd miss....

I never thought I'd miss Minnesota, but I do. It might have something to do with the fact that I just spent an amazing week up in the Twin Cities at a conference where I learned more than I thought I would, and got to spend a lot of time with some of my favorite people.

That's my beautiful Godson, Noah. Wednesday was his mom's birthday, so Lindsey and I took Noah out on a date to the Olive Garden! It was so fun getting to hang out with Noah when there weren't a gazillion people around and I could get to know him. He has an amazing personality and he loves to laugh. He's happy and that makes me happy!!!

The conference I went to started on Thursday. I got to present for one of the modules with my friend Jill who graduated with me. It was fun to be in front of a group of people that included some of the people who taught us in college, and some of the people we graduated with. I also went to a section about church planting, and ministry to different cultures. I just gotta say that God was totally speaking to my heart and helping me to figure out some stuff that I have been praying about. My heart really did ache when I heard people talking about ministry in the city. I love the city. I miss the city. I feel called to the city. But at the same time, I know that my call isn't to a city right now and God just opened my eyes and showed me that there are exciting things about ministry right where I'm at, so I'm looking forward to seeing where some of those things might lead me.

Friday night Dani and Lindsey and I went out to celebrate Dani's birthday.

I forget how much I just like to sit around and talk with these girls. They are amazing women who make me a better person just by being around them.

Saturday night was Dani's birthday party. Since she's kinda addicted to Grey's Anatomy, the party was a Grey's theme and we were all supposed to wear scrubs, except for the ones that came from the thrift store that Linds and I got ours from were GINORMOUS!!!! I was in a bit of a crabby mood for because I had to wear the scrubs that looked ridiculous, so we started joking around about it. I figured since there was so much extra room in the pants I might as well make it look like my butt was bigger, so I stuff some stuff down my pants. I realize how absolutely ridiculous that sounds, but at the moment it seemed like a good idea! So I got a few shirts to make my butt look bigger. Then Lindsey decided she would help us to laugh a little bit more...and she got a full size pillow and put it in her pants. It was HILARIOUS. I thought I would pee my pants I was laughing so hard. So I had her put the pillow in my pants too...(this story does not make us sound very cool, but I assure you, at the time it was so funny...you would have laughed and asked if you could stuff the pillow in your pants too!)

We decided we should take our new booty gear with us to the party to let Danielle see how funny we are! Sunday I went to church at Woodbury where Linds works and it was great to be there. I hung out with the friends a little bit more on Sunday night and then work up and drove hom this morning at 4:30. Needless to say. I am pretty tired. But the trip was fun and well worth the fatigue I am feeling right now!

It is official. I miss Minnesota.

2006-07-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

Livin la vida Branson...

Well July has been crazy busy. I've been running in and out of town for youth trips, vacation, conferences and the like. I feel like I have hardly been at home at all. Life has been good though. Work has been productive, vacation was AMAZING (thanks John and Kim!) and I'm leaving tomorrow for Minnesota which I'm sure will be lovely because I get to stay with Lindsey and hang out with the Tietjens.

The only thing I can think of to complain about right now is Branson...dear goodness. Apparently in the past two weeks everyone and their 4 brothers have decided to come down to the good old Ozarks and take in the local culture. This is great and all, but it means I have to sit in TONS of traffic if I want to go just about anywhere. I had to cancel a meeting the other day because there was no way everyone would be able to get to the restaurant we were meeting at because the traffic was so bad. I know that everyone has to deal with traffic at one time or another, but the problem is, when they planned out this city, they made sure there were only two lane roads, that you can't pass on, and you have to take if you want to be able to get to your desitination. There are few short cuts that actually make things shorter...

It almost makes me wish it was January. But when I get cranky about traffic, I remember that I live on a beautiful lake and I get to go swim whenever I want...and that seems to make everything better.

2006-06-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Peter Pan and Tennis...

What do these two things have in common...well not a whole heck of a lot, except for the fact that these were the things that occupied my evening.

Tonight I picked up my racket and played tennis for the first time in way over a year. It was a lot of fun. I didn't stink as bad as I thought I would (don't get me wrong, I wasn't spectacular by any means, but still it could have been way worse.) By the end of the second set I had a couple pretty nice hits...I think if I could get my serves down a little better I'd be a worthy opponent.

When I got home, I had my house all to myself, so I decided to totally veg out on the couch and watch a movie. My roommates have a copy of the Peter Pan movie that came out a couple years ago and since I had never seen it I decided to give it a go. Wow...it was so good. I just kept thinking that it captured the story quite well. Anyway, it was well worth my time.

So all in all I must say that this evening was rather enjoyable for me. Having said that, if anyone happens to be swinging through my area and wants to take me on in a little tennis match, you just give me a hollar!!!

2006-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in the mood...

I just haven't been in the mood to write lately. That's strange for me. Usually I can sit down and write about almost anything. It's easy for me. But lately the words don't seem to come. It's not that there hasn't been anything going on in my life. I have been pretty busy since I got back from Haiti. There's lots to be done with work, and it's summer and that means more people want to go play!

I've had some pretty crazy moments in the past week that would be worth recounting here, but the thing I think I am going to talk about right now is NPR.

I am a complete NPR junkie. I listen to it whenever I am in the car...unless other people are with me who can't tolerate talk radio. When NPR is on one of it's music times and I'm not feeling the classical, I usually turn the station to the Jim Rome show. I don't know what it is about Talk Radio...but it's definitely something I am into. I find this funny because my father used to listen to talk radio all the time and when he would pick me up from school or practice or something I would always be upset that he was listening to talk radio. I found it so boring back in the day. I think I will have to give credit to Keith Williams, my ceramics professor in college for reintroducing NPR into my life. It was always on in the clay studio and I learned to love listening to the news of the day, and interviews of random people.

Anyway I guess all I'm saying is that if you don't already listen to NPR...you should give it a try. You just might like it.

2006-05-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

Prayer Request...

Hey y'all can you pray for my friend Melissa. She is in the hospital with some stomach issues. I guess the doctor's don't know what's going on right now so they're doing tons of tests.

Please keep her in your prayers!

Thanks.

2006-05-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

Coming Home...

I am back at home...lounging in my bedroom with the nice cool air-conditioning. I just had a nice dinner, and my dog is by my side. Things seem to be back how they were before I left for Haiti...

It's interesting though because somehow things don't feel the same. I'm not sure I'm ready to write about Haiti right now...in fact I know I'm not. I don't think I've really even begun to process through my trip. I did want to let everyone know that I was back and safe.

I had an amazing, wonderful trip. God is amazingly good. I know that this trip has only made me crave more of the same kind of work. So I ask for your prayers as I seek God's guidance in that.

Hopefully tomorrow I can sit down and take some time to put some of my thoughts into words. But for now, know that my entire team was incredibly blessed by the trip. God has definitely taught us all a little something about his world. I ask for your prayers for the countyr and people of Haiti.

If you're interested in some pictures from the trip, my amazingly cool friend Lindsey (who was also on the trip) was way less of a slacker than me and has already created a little slideshow of our experience so you can click the link to her blog on the side of my page!

Enjoy!

More to come....

2006-05-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

Did I mention???

Did I mention that I'm going to Haiti! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

So much...

I suppose there is so much for me to say right now. I haven't written in a while. Life has been busy...a good busy. I have been super busy with work, and it's all been good stuff. May has been a month of feeling very affirmed in the things I do with my job. Sometimes sitting at a desk makes me wonder why I bother with this type of ministry...but then I have opportunities to be in the trenches...to be serving, encouraging, caring and sharing. That's when I feel whole.

I don't have much time to write now either, but I leave in a few days for Haiti and I'll be gone for a while. So I just wanted to check in and ask you all to pray for me next week while I'm gone. I really hope that my time there, even if it is short, will in some way share some of God's goodness with a people that need it so badly!

So to everyone that I haven't talked to in forever, I still love ya, and I think about you all the time (especially you carrie!!! feel better soon!!!) and I can't wait to talk to you when I get back from Haiti. I'm sure I'll stories to share...maybe they'll even be entertaining.

2006-05-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

2nd night...

This is the second night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep. I'm not exactly sure what my deal is. I know I am tired. I can feel it...but when I lay down...restlessness sets in.

It could be the 6 gazillion things I have going on in my world this month. I might be a tiny bit stressed out about this community service project I am planning for a bunch of area churches...it might be the antimalarial medicine rearing it's ugly head. Maybe my body has just decided that insomnia would be a cool thing for it...I don't know. I just want to go to sleep and I can't.

I made myself a glass of stress relief tea. My roommates have so many teas with natural herbs in them. The one I am drinking now is chamomile and lavendar. It's supposed to calm my restlessness and relieve my stress. Do we really think this is possible. I don't know. I've never been much into herbal anything but I'm ready to give it a whirl. Turns out it actually tastes pretty good...a mixture between bit-o-honey and chewing on one of those mint toothpicks. That might seem like a weird combo, but when you put it in a cup of tea, it's actually pretty decent.

I just hope it makes me sleep and lets me get some rest. There's a lot that needs to happen tomorrow...and nobody like a crabby Rachel.

2006-05-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

I feel like me...

I think it's strange that there are moments when I just feel more like myself. Right now is one of those moments. I'm sitting in a coffee shop. (Let's hear it for free internet.) I have a cup of strong coffee and my head phones are making it easy to slip into my own little world. I won't lie...of course I'm watching the people around me. There are the two girls who don't look much older than me who have their kids here. Their two daughters are dressed all in pink, one even has a tutu. They are dancing around the coffee shop like they are performing on a stage...it reminds me of when I was little and my mom would play the piano and I would dance around the front room of our house...how she kept from laughing at me I'll never know. There are a couple groups who seem to have come together for study groups...I've been there before, but I never got much done in study groups. I usually spent more time chatting with friends and solving the world's problems. There's a group of high schoolers sitting in the corner booth using "studying at the coffee shop" as an excuse to be together and share those all important stolen touches and kisses while their parents aren't around. There is a group of middle aged ladies enjoying a meal with their friends, two friends who appear to have met up after work to have a quick dinner, and the guy sitting by himself, staring at his computer just like I'm staring at mine. Maybe places and moments like this make him feel like himself too.

There's about 20 girls in their 20s...some type of college group maybe. They'll all dressed up with hair done. I remember a time when I got all gussied up to go to the coffee shop...those days are over. Here I sit in my t-shirt and jeans. My hair is slightly dirty (no surprise) and pulled in a ponytail on top of my head...a scarf is tied in my head trying to keep the frizziness at bay. I read part of The Tempest...

It just feels good to be sitting here, not thinking about anything specific, and letting my mind wander wherever it pleases.

I'm reminded of my many trips to the coffee houses of Minnesota. In my opinion, no one does a coffee shop better than Uptown. I miss Pandora's Cup...even the smoky Plan B. I miss hearing Danielle order the chai tea and saying it's like "thanksgiving in a cup." I miss Gruber and the random conversations about boys. I miss fake eyelashes and glitter thanks to laura doing my makeup before heading out. I miss the randomness of coffee houses. But most of all I miss opportunities to just check out if I feel like it. Yeah I like spending time with my friends and the people in my life, but every now and then it is good to just sit down be me.

2006-05-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

Last week...

Last week I was completely lazy. I think I slept more last week than I have slept in a long time. It happened to be one of the weeks at work wher there was very little going on during the day. My evenings were filled with activities but work was slow. Sure there were things I could have gotten done...like moving the easter boxes out of my office down to the garage...but I didn't. It was a good week for me.

Of course now I look ahead to two weeks of craziness leading up to a community service event...and then Haiti!!!! May, and the entire summer will prove to be quite busy. I'm good with that though. I like busy.

I feel like I have exciting stories that I could write here...but they just won't come...so I'm off to accomplish some of the work that should have happened last week! Happy Monday everyone.

2006-04-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

Manic Monday...

Today seems to be going so slow. I have no motivation. It is grey outside and raining. My office is gloomy and filled with boxes that need to go down to the shed. Big projects are done, the next ones won't happen for the next couple weeks. There's nothing pressing. My feet are propped up on the desk.

I actually thought going to the doctor to get a shot was exciting because it got me out of my office for just a few minutes.

But I like today. I think it's good. I had been going nonstop and now I actually get to sit...breathe...relax...get vaccinated.

2006-04-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

When it's been so long...

It's hard to decide what to write about when it's been so long since I last wrote.

I'd like to report on two of my favorite things that I've seen in the Ozarks in the past week. I must say, I think you see things here that you wouldn't see a whole lot of places. Last weekend my family came to visit (it being Easter and all) and we went out to dinner. As I was sitting at the table with Heidi, the parents, grandparents and roommates, my friend drew my attention the shoes on the man who apparently owned the place. I'm usually a fan of unique shoes...but these bad boys were kind of scary. He had snake skin cowboy boots. At the toe of the boot there was a rattle snake head on each side. I wasn't aware that you would even buy things like that. I think I would be afraid my shoes would bite me.

And then yesterday as I was driving into Branson I was passed by someone on a motorcyle that was carrying one of those big celophane wrapped easter baskets in front of them...I don't know about you but I think that would be a little bit of a sight hinderance.

I've been so busy with everything leading up to Easter. Now it's past, and I'm enjoying a little bit of relaxation. I'm learning that it is good to stop and rest every now and again.

I hope you all had a great Easter! Nothing like a celebration of Jesus to remind you of what it means to be freed and forgiven.

2006-04-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Am I Artsy...

Right now I am feeling like my most artistic version of myself. I am sitting in my office looking out the window at the pouring down rain, lightning and wind. My outfit is pretty amazing...camo sweat pants, pink t-shirt with crawfish on it that reads, "Mud Bug 89, New Orleans" and my blue orange and white silk paisly scarf tied around my extremely messy pony-tail.

I've just come up from the shed at church where I've been painting. I'm making big signs for an Easter Community Event we are having next week. I have huge pieces of wood and a bunch of paint, so I'm putting my creative juices to work and making something beautiful and attention grabbing out of something old and plain.

I feel artsy.

It reminds me of the days when my friends and I would hang out and work in the clay studio, lisntening to music and talking about things that we really didn't know about. We were dirty. We were in old dingy clothes, but somehow those are the moments when I felt most creative.

I feel creative now...and it's fun.

2006-03-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

Day off...

This is probably the thing I struggle with the most in church work. I know I'm supposed to take a day off, but I rarely do it...

I don't know why, but there times when I get busy...we all know what that's like. But for some reason I can't pull myself away from the office. Two weekends ago I was in Chicago with my Sr. High. Last weekend we had a big youth fundraiser. This weekend I'm taking the Jr. Highers to camp. And in the middle...there's been no downtime.

And last night in the midst of Lenten Mid-week chaos...I realized I was tired. And I needed a day off. Knowing that I wouldn't take Friday (my "usual" day) I decided today would be the day.

But I know I'm just a little bit of a poser. Becuase here I sit at 10am still at home...but only becuase Aaron has my car up and is changing the oil. I can't go anywhere. But as soon as that car is ready to go...I can almost count on the pull from my office being too great. I'll probably go in. There are things that need to get done. Deadlines to meet.

I've decided though that what I need is a cruise. Who wants to go???

2006-03-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

When Reality Hits...

I got our tickets for Haiti today. It's official. I'm finally going to do something I've felt called to for quite some time.

I can't believe it's really real!

check out the website! www.walkforhaiti.com

2006-03-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

A Year Ago...

I think I have blogged alot about how much my life has changed in a year...but today I'm particularly reflective on that thought.

A year ago today was Easter Sunday. I love Easter Sunday. What an amazing celebration to have as we remember (and claim for ourselves) Christ's ressurection. Usually Easter for me is filled with waking up super early and worshipping at as many church services as you can imagine then going home with family to eat an amazing meal and enjoy some wonderful wine...and of course there are the pickled eggs that my family always tries to make me eat (I have only ever eaten one and that was becuase they paid me 40 dollars!)

But last Easter was different. My family couldn't come visit me becuase my Grandmother was very sick. So instead I went to church...called home a few times...and spent the day with the Greigs, the most amazing surroget family a girl could ask for. I had an amazing meal, even had a glass or two of wine...and played games with people I loved very much.

The next morning I woke to the sound of the doorbell. I went downstairs and it was John and Kim. They asked me to come over for breakfast...so I did. Of course when I got there my parents called to tell me that my grandmother had passed away in the night. While I was sleeping, my parents and brother were with my grandmother as she closed her eyes on this world and entered eternity with Jesus.

I still don't have the words to describe what I was feeling in that moment...sadness, hurt, joy, pain...guilt.

Of course I knew I had to go home...I had to be with my family. John, Kim, Becky and Amber were all there with me as I made the last minute preparations to get to St. Louis. The next night I sat around my kitchen table with Jacob, Gretal and my parents. I missed my grandma. I still miss her.

It's been a year. I still dream about her. I can still smell her on the things that once were her's, but now belong to me. I can still feel her hand squeezing my leg, saying she wished she had some of "that." I can still hear her telling me it's entirely too dangerous to do this or that. I imagine she'd be excited that the cardinals were into spring training. And I can still imagine her on the other end of the phone line telling me how proud she was of me...how much she loved me, and how I should keep praying.

I'm thankful that I had almost 25 years with her...

2006-03-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

When you realize you're blessed...

So often it's easier to go through life taking things for granted, than it is to realize you're blessed. But lately my eyes have been opened to all the amazing blessings in my life. This past weekend was an opportunity for me to see God's goodness in my life in so many ways.

First of all I am serving in a church that encourages me in ministry. That is a huge blessing. As I was driving my youth to a gathering in Chicago I got to stay with my parents and see friends from St. Louis that love and support me in everything I do.

Then when I got to chicago, I ran into friends from all different stages of my life, childhood, high school, college, even some people that have the North Carolina connection. It was great. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing people in my life...my family and friends are a constant support and encouragement to me in all things.

But when I look at the people that are my friends, the people that are my influences in life, I can't help but swell with pride. I am so proud of my friends. They are all amazing people. They are so good and so talented. I am blessed.

2006-03-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

Encouragement...

I have been crazy busy the past couple weeks. Today I leave for Chicago with my youth group. I am pretty excited because I get to stop and see my parents tonight...my whole youth group is staying at their house. : ) And I think I might get to see miss melissa while I'm in STL too, which would totally rock my face off. Then it's on to the Chicago Construction Zone, which I'm pretty excited about...not only am I looking forward to it because the event in VA Beach last year was cool but because the kids in my youth group have never experienced anything like this, which makes it cool...Plus I get to see Lindsey and Danielle. These girls are so encouraging to me in life and in ministry. They are strong for me when I can't be. The pray for me when I can't pray. They sing with me when I'm happy, and they listen to me ALWAYS. Knowing that I will see them soon makes me happy.

I'm feeling so good about life right now...and about what I do. This past week I found myself in a lot of conversations with church workers and leaders from many other traditions and it was encouraging. I am surrounded by people serving God. I had a converstation the other day with a guy starting a Christian Skate Park in a "city" near where I live. The town is highly unchurched and non-christian. I've planned a huge srevant event for the area. As we were sitting there talking about plans he said something like, "I am learning so much from you." that was encouraging and scary all at the same time. Encouraging because it means that I am on the right track with what I am doing...scary (not necessarily a bad scary) because it reminds me that people are watching what I do and it's an example.

I guess it's just encouraging to have people in my midst that get it...they get why I'm excited about ministry and they're excited about it too.

2006-03-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

Can't help it...I love it

I don't know what it is about Jane Austen...but I do love her writing. I sometimes wish my favorite author was someone that would cause my friends to hold me in high esteem. For instance, maybe I could be a person who could discuss C.S. Lewis with the greatest of theologians and "church talkers." Or maybe I could talk about someone like Mike Yaconelli and all my youth leader friends would find me cool. I could say Poe, or Shakespeare and sound cool.

But for me...it's always Jane Austen. I don't care if I'm reading a novel of hers for the 1st or 100th time, I still can't put it down. It grips me. I love it...and afterwards life seems more beautiful. (lindsey...you may be the only person who understands this!)

2006-03-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

March Madness...

For me, this month is always one of the craziest...and this year is no exception. Yesterday was a particularly stressful day for me full of meetings, church services, youth dinners, music rehearsals, and driving all over creation.

My mother was a voice of calm in my world. Why is it that you can always call your mom and she has a way of reminding you that you've been in this place before...you got through it...and you'll get through it again.

So momma if you reading this...thanks for being so cool...and for listening to me complain about the same things year after year! You're the best!

2006-03-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

It's life...

I've been super busy lately, and I was starting to think that the only things I had to blog about where work things, and not so exiting or entertaining stories. And since I know there are some people who will be emailing me shortly telling me that I haven't updated my blog or provided them with the theraputic entertainment they seek from my sage like writing, I decided to take a few moments out of my crazy day to share some of my life.

First of all I just want to clear something up from a previous pot. I let you all know of my intentions of bringing back the legging look. Well the other day in the midst of complete chaos I was near one of our many outlet malls and decided to just look around for a bit of retail therapy. For some reason I walked into one of those stores that is filled with glitter and beads and marginally trendy super cheap crap. I asked the girl working behind the counter if they had leggings. She looked at me and told me no. I then told her of my plight to bring back the look and she looked at me (I could feel the judgement) and told me that that look was already in style and that EVERYONE was already wearing them. I think she may have been exagerating just a tad, but I must say I was a little sad to say that I am so OUT of style that I didn't even know leggings were back in...but I guess there are, according to the Lindsay Lohan wannabe behind the counter. So I'm on the lookout for a new fad to toss onto the fashion scene and be labled a trend setter! maybe I'll bring back wearing two pairs of socks with different colors and reebok high top tennish shoes!

On another note, this morning my phone rang at 5 am...and then again shortly after that. I was in my sleep coma and couldn't be persuaded from my bed to answer my phone at that time. Most people get worried when their phone rings at abnormal times like that, they think something is obviously wrong and someone has to get ahold of you right then...but I want to take you back to a few weeks ago in my life and let you know why that is not my first reaction any longer...

The phone is my bedroom sounds like the sirens declaring an oncoming atomic bomb. It's loud. I usually leave it off but for some reason it was turned back on. One night as I was enjoying my sleep, I was awakened by the screeching and squawking of my telephone. It was pitch black in my room and it took me a while to find the phone receiver. In my desperate attempt to make the awful noise stop I finally found the receiver and picked it up. "Hello" I say.......Silence....at this point I realize that no one has died and I can safely hang up the phone and go back to sleep. I closed my eyes and just as I was drifting back to sleep the horrible noise started again. This time I was quicker to find the phone. "Hello" I say again....this time I hear breathing..."Hello" I say a little louder....more breathing....it sounds strange, so I hang up the phone. This time I'm smart and turn off the ringer in my room...of course when I had just about fallen asleep again the phone rings (I hear it from the kitchen) so I roll over and pick up...ready to unleash my furry..."HELLO" I say...."Miss Rachel" this mousy voice comes back to me.....at this point I know exactly who it is...It's a little boy that I used to pick up and bring to church with his brother and sister here in town. I have no idea what time it is...I'm still a little out of sorts from the phone ringing so much....

"Mikey is that you?" I ask...

"Uh...Miss Rachel I was wondering if you could bring up to church on Sunday?" I'm so confused...why on earth is this 8 year old boy callingme in the middle of the night? So I say,

"Mikey...shouldn't you be in bed?" Then he starts whispering.

"No" he says. I can hear cartoons in the background.

"Mikey you need to get some sleep so you're ready for school in the morning" Really what I meant was that I needed to get some sleep. He does a whisper laugh and says,

"I'm already supposed to be dressed" in my mind it was the middle of the night....I would have guessed it was 3am...I thought he was just joking around with me so I told him to have his mom call me on Saturday if he wanted to go to church...and that was the end of the conversation. Then I went to check the clock...it was 6am...not really the middle of the night, but not really the best time for 8 year olds to be making leisurely phone calls.

So this morning when my phone rang at 5am I had a pretty good idea who it was...and I was right...little mikey calling me to ask me if I could take him to church.

so strange...and yet kind of endearing.

2006-02-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

My Eyeballs are Actually Burning...

In celebration of Mardi Gras, my roomates and I prepared luncheon feast of dirty rice and cajun sausage...had a glass of wine, and ate a truffle for desert. It was so good...but the food is not causing me to be a little on the sleepy side, and my body is telling me to take a nap, so much so that my eyes are burning...unfortunately there is this thing called Work that seems to be getting in the way of such a notion

Anyway....Happy Mardi Gras to you all

Laisser le bon rouleau de temps!!!!!!! Don't forget to have some pancakes for dinner.

2006-02-27T21:50:00.000-08:00

Why Fashion is Fun...

So here's the deal everyone. I am totally going to bring back the legging look. I think the world has gone long enough with the absence of leggings and I think it's time for them to make their comeback...and I'm going to help.

I don't claim to be any type of trendsetter or even someone that other people think they should dress like...in fact i would probably more often find myself on the list of "what not to wear." But here's the thing...I don't dress so other people think it's cute. I dress because it makes me happy.

So here's to leggings and the first pair that are on their way to my house!

2006-02-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

What's wrong with this picture...

Three days ago I was sledding and listening to Christmas music (because you have to listen to Christmas music when it snows) and Today I am wearing a skirt and flip flops. Crazy Southern Missouri weather...

and just in case anyone was wondering...I'm in a really good mood today. I think it's the anticipation of American Idol and Figure Skating tonight wahoo!!!! : )